It Should Have Been You
by yogurtberry
Summary: Serena first gets to Constance and realizes that fitting in is going to be harder than she thought. It doesn't make it any easier when she falls for Nate, who Blair  the queen bee  is in love with. Please read & review I love getting feedback!  S/N
1. Chapter 1

Serena had her limo drop her off at her new school. Constance Billiards was the Chanel of all prep schools in the Upper East Side. And it was all-girls so she knew that she had to plan her path to the throne perfectly. She had been queen bee at her old school, but West Hampton did not compare to the city. She took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. She wore a plaid skirt with a short-sleeved button up shirt, the school uniform. But to give her uniform her own touch, she threw on a gray cardigan – 100% cashmere of course, black over the knee boots, a couple of wrap bracelets, and carried a red Balenciaga tote bag. She walked to the administration office, there were almost as many boys as there were girls in the hall. _So much for an all-girls school,_ she smiled to herself. After picking up her schedule and a map of the school, she decided to go check out the courtyard. There they were the popular girls – Birkins in tow. She walked in front of them. "Balenciaga spring collection? Impressive," the brunette said as she walked by. Serena turned to the brunette sitting in the middle of the girls. "Thanks. Birkin Spring collection. Also nice." The girl smiled. "Blair Waldorf. Welcome to Constance." Serena smiled, "I'm—" "Serena van der Woodsen. I've done my homework." Serena looked at Blair, she was impressed but was not going to be intimidated. "Good. We can skip all the boring intros." Serena looked at the three girls surrounding Blair, not of them had said a word. "Oh, they don't speak unless they're spoken to." The bell rang. "See you around, Serena. And remember, you're in my school now."

Serena had lunch with a few girls in her French class, they were at the hottest new Japanese place a couple of blocks from Constance. "What's the deal with Blair Waldorf?" She brought up casually. Tara rolled her eyes. "My advice, don't cross hair. She's a bitch. Lives to mess with peoples minds. One time a girl named Kellie decided to wear a headband and colored tights, no one has seen her since." Serena laughed but quickly realized she wasn't kidding. She changed the subject, "Thanks for inviting me to lunch. It's on me." They walked back to campus and saw a few guys throwing a football in the front courtyard. "Who is _that_?" Serena looked at the blonde who had just caught the ball. "Nate Archibald. Don't even think about it. Blair and him have kinda been a thing to since the 7th grade." Serena smiled to herself. _All the pieces were falling into place._


	2. Chapter 2

Serena didn't have a very good track record when it came to boys, but she couldn't help it if she moved on quickly. It was Friday, the week seemed to drag on forever. "How about coming to a party tonight?" It was Tara. "Sounds fun, you're throwing it?" "No, Chuck Bass is. From his suite in a hotel. Do you know the Palace?" Serena smiled, "Impressive. And yes, I'm from the Hamptons not the Midwest." "I'll swing by in my car to pick you up later." Serena smiled. Finally, a party invite.

Tara and Serena got to the suite. Serena remembered staying there when she came to all the different philanthropy events her mother dragged her to. She had heard so much about Chuck Bass that she felt she knew him. He was your typical Upper East Sider with daddy issues. Pathetic. But him and Nate Archibald were best friends. After getting a martini from the bar she stood in a small circle of girls. Instead of focusing on the conversation she laughed when they did and nodded when she was looked at. From across the room she looked Nate right in the eyes. _Oh, come on. Look over already. _He looked over at her and smiled. _God he's gorgeous. _ Right on cue she smiled back and shyly looked away. She saw him start to walk over. _Boys are too easy._

"Hey, I'm Nate."

"Serena. Nice to meet you."

"You're new right? How do you like it so far?"

"People are nice...kind of," she modified as Blair Waldorf made a beeline towards them.

"Hey Nate. Oh you met S, that's my nickname for her. Isn't she great? I'm going to borrow her for a sec."

Blair grabbed Serena's arm and pulled her close. "What are you doing?"

"I didn't know we were on a nickname basis. Look, B, Nate just came to introduce himself to me. He said one of his friends was interested. That's all." Serena had an inexplicable desire for Blair to like her.

"Oh. Well, good." Blair walked off to where her minions were waiting.

"You're friends with Blair, huh? She's a little intense but deep down she's a softy."

"You guys have a thing, huh?"

Nate shrugged. "Have you seen the view?" He motioned for the balcony.

Serena heard Blair shouting at someone on her cell before she even got out of her limo.

Serena approached her cautiously. "Are you okay?"

"Look, Goldie Locks, I don't have time for you right now. Some idiot spilled FroYo all over me and my driver is stuck in traffic and won't be here for another half hour. I have a Spanish exam in ONE hour!"

"Take mine." She motioned at her car, which was still a few feet away.

Blair looked at her suspiciously.

"Seriously, you're starting to smell rancid."

She rolled her eyes and opened the car door. "This doesn't make us friends!" She got in and shut the door. A second later the window rolled down, "Thanks."

Serena went to go find Nate. Everyone in the Upper East Side acted like they had a stick up their ass, but he was so chill. It was nice.

Nate went to St. Jude's School for Boys, and as Constance's brother school, the two buildings stood next to each other. She walked down St. Jude's hallways, well aware of all the heads turning in her direction. She saw Nate standing at his locker and kept walking down the hall anyway.

"Serena!" Nate ran after her, holding his lacrosse stick.

"Oh, hey!" She gave him a hug. "What's up?"

"Not much. What are you doing here?"

"My little brother goes here and I just wanted to see how he was fitting in." Her little brother Eric was a dork, but she loved him with all her heart.

"Oh your brother goes here? What's his name? I promise to keep an eye out for him."

"Eric. He's a freshman. I'd really appreciate that." Serena was never one for waiting on a guy to make the first move. "Hey so there's a new restaurant couple of blocks from my house, _Aroma_. I really wanna check it out, but it would be weird to go to a restaurant by myself. So I was wondering...if you were busy? I know it's really sudden."

"No. I'm not busy at all," he answered immediately. "I mean, you know. Sure. I'll go."

"Really? So around 8 o' clock? I'll see you there?" The bell rang.

"Yeah. I'll see tonight." Nate could not help but smile as she walked away. _Even when I'm not good I'm good_.

Serena was on her way to her car after school ended.

"Serena. Thanks for this morning. You saved me from a total fashion faux pas."

Serena turned around to see Blair without her usual posse surrounding here. "Don't worry about it."

Blair almost felt bad for being such a bitch. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

...

Serena would have to rush her dinner with Nate if she wanted to go to Blair's spa night. She was told be there 9 but she figured she could blame traffic and be a little late.

She showed up to the restaurant just on time. Nate was an excellent choice for arm candy. He was gorgeous, nice, and captain of the lacrosse team – a combination which also meant that he probably wasn't very smart.

Nate was already seated at a table waiting for her. _God, he was gorgeous. _He stood up and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then pulled her chair out for her.

She had a lot more fun than he thought she would but she rushed out of there anyway.

"I had a great time. We should do this again sometime."

Nate got up and smiled. "Heading home already? Yeah I'd like that."

"Yeah, I'm pretty worn out." Serena gave Nate a hug and when she pulled away his arms stayed around her. He looked her right in the eye, and she had to look down because she felt like he was staring deep into her soul. She was afraid of what he might find there.

"Good night, Serena." He leaned in to give her a kiss.

"I don't kiss on the first date." She said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Night, Nate."


	3. Chapter 3

When Serena got to Blair's house all the girls had already gotten massages and were all lathered up in avocado facials. Blair took a slice of cucumber off her eye and pointed to the empty massage table, "Help yourself."

...

When she got to school on Monday, Nate stood in front of her locker. She looked around to make sure that Blair wasn't watching them.

"Nate what are you doing here?" She really wanted to be friends with Blair but Nate was all she could think about.

"Well, good morning to you too."

"Sorry. I am glad to see you, promise."

"How about we ditch school today? And I'll show you the city outside of the Upper East Side."

"I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean I'd love to but..."

"You'd love to? Great. Come on." He grabbed her hand and let her out of the building.

They visited downtown and had lunch at a cool hipster restaurant in the village. He was right, she had been missing out. After a long day of running around they went back to Park Avenue, to Nate's townhouse.

"I have Netflix, what movie do you wanna watch?" He asked handing her a soda and sitting on the couch next to her.

"I don't know. You pick." She scooted over to make some space between them.

"I don't bite, I promise. Unless your into that."

Serena got off the couch. "I should go home, it's almost 3."

Nate let out a frustrated sigh. He didn't understand what her deal was.

She avoided Nate for the next few days, she didn't really trust herself around him.

Instead, she spent the next couple of days shopping and eating $50 salads with Blair. She wasn't half as bad as she seemed. Serena was actually starting to like her.

...

Chuck's parties were always the craziest. People were stumbling drunk anywhere. Serena decided to avoid Nate by staying at the bar and having drink and drink. She was getting out of there; alcohol and boys were never a good mix.

She was just heading towards the door when Nate stepped in front of her, "You're leaving already?"

She could feel her heart beat faster. "No I was looking for you."

"Really? That's good to hear. I was starting to think you were avoiding me."

Serena laughed. "What? No, never!" She grabbed his hand and let him to an empty room, locking the door behind them.

"I think you're a little drunk." He had a few drinks himself but he was barely tipsy.

"What? Pfft...no." She wrapped her hands around his neck.

He couldn't think of anything he wanted more than her. But he didn't want their first kiss to be a drunken blur. He pulled away from her.

"Look...you're drunk. Let me take you home."

She gave him a dirty look. "I'm fine. Look you've been coming on to me for days and now you won't even let me touch you? Don't you think I'm attractive."

He cleared his throat, she was making him nervous. "No. I mean yes, you are. I know I just don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

She rolled her eyes. "You're a nice guy, aren't you? How annoying." She laid on the bed. "Can we just talk?"

He laid next to her and she put her head on his chest. "You're heart is beating like crazy."

He laughed. "I know. That's your fault." He played with her hair and before he knew it she was fast asleep.

Serena woke up in a room she didn't remember ever seeing before. But on the nightstand there was a basket with shampoo, and a toothbrush.

After she showered and brushed her teeth she changed back into her clothes and headed outside.

"Good morning."

"Hey Chuck." She had met him a couple of times but they were never had a one on one conversation. "Where's Nate?"

He pointed towards the kitchen. "Hey, you're up. Do you want coffee?"

"I should get going." She gave him a hug. "Hey, I'm really sorry about last night. Thanks for being such a nice guy." She felt like an idiot.

"Don't worry about it." He pulled away but she put her hand on the back of his head and pulled him back towards her, giving him a deep kiss.

After a few seconds she pulled away. "Text me later?" He nodded.

Serena was home alone and she texted Nate to keep her company. They had been on more than a few dates. And the more time she spent with him, the more she thought about him when they weren't together. She could tell he was getting suspicious about her constant excuses, strict no PDA rule, and how she would try her best to avoid him at school. It was time to come clean about her wish to keep them a secret.

They cuddled on her bed and watched Charlie's Angeles. Half way through the movie she got bored and started kissing his neck. He smiled and after a few seconds he lifted her chin and kissed her on the lips. She rolled over on top of him, massaging his tongue with hers.

"Nate?" She whispered between breaths.

"Yeah?" He was out of breath too.

She sat up on his lap. "This is fun right? It's like our little secret."

He looked confused. "Is that what all the sneaking around is about? You don't want to be seen with me?"

"No that's not what I meant."

"Okay. Then what did you mean, Serena?" He gently pushed her off his lap.

"Look, I just don't want Blair –"

"Blair? Is that what this is about? We dated for 2 weeks in the 7th grade, if you could even call that dating, and kissed one time freshman year! And I'm not interested anymore." His voice was rising.

She was struggling to say something that would make him stay. "Nate, please. I'm just asking to be on the down low for a few weeks."

"We've been on the _down low_ for 2 months! If I wanted the drama I'd be with Blair. I thought you didn't want to be like those girls." He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

"I don't!"

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you." She took a step towards him.

"Just not in public, right?" He scoffed. "I'll make things easy for you. No more sneaking around. I'm done."

She looked at him. She wished she could take it all back.

Nate walked out. He knew better than to date Constance girls. They were all so bitchy and superficial. He thought Serena was different. Obviously, he was wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

Nate hated when his mom made him go to brunch with all her stupid socialite friends and their annoying kids. He had enough of his classmates at school.

As soon as he walked in the room Serena headed straight towards him. "Can we talk, please?"

"Nope. We're in public. You can go across the room and tap a fork against the table in Morse code and I'll see I can interpret it."

They stood outside in the patio, and caught the attention of a few classmates.

"Nate, come on." She lowered her voice. "I'm so sorry. I don't care about Blair."

"Why don't we talk when you know what you want?"

"I am sure."

She looked around the room. She recognized Blair's minions around her classmates but Blair was nowhere to be found.

It was hard for him but he stood his ground. "I'm not sneaking around."

"I'm not asking you to. I really care about you and I want to give us a chance."

Nate looked at her. He wasn't really convinced. Serena sensed his hesitation and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I'm really sorry."

He smiled at her. "I want to give us a chance too." She pulled him in for a kiss.

...

It was almost 2 pm when Blair's phone woke her up. It kept going off. Seven new messages. Her friends were probably wondering why she missed brunch. All the text messages told her to check Gossip Girl.

She went to her computer and pulled up the site. The caption read "Golden Couple" followed by a picture of Nate and Serena kissing, then: _Blair who? xoxo Gossip girl_

She felt like she had just been punched in the stomach. "Dorota!"

...

Serena had never brought a boyfriend to dinner before but things were different with Nate. Being with him felt right. She hadn't seen Blair around school much and when she tried to talk to her, Blair told her she was busy.

It had actually been a success. Her mom and her brother both really liked Nate. And Nate had answered every question and got along especially well with Eric. Her mom soon excused herself to go to a meeting and Eric went over to a friends house.

"They love you!" Serena sat on Nate's lap. "Thanks for coming."

"Of course babe. I'm glad I finally have you all to myself though."

They moved to her bedroom. Before she knew it they both lay naked on her bed. He rolled over on top of her and looked her in the eyes, "Are you sure?"

Serena nodded. It was their first time together. It was their first time at all.

...

Serena was falling in love with Nate and it scared her. She didn't do much outside from hanging out with him, shopping with girlfriends, and going to school. She had done some things she wasn't proud of in the Hamptons and she was glad to get away from all that.

Her doorbell rang. Weird, she wasn't expecting Nate for another hour, he should still be at Lacrosse practice.

It was Damien Daalgard, her ex-boyfriend and ex-drug dealer. They had never officially broken up. But after she moved away, changed her phone number, and ignored all of his efforts to get in touch with her –she didn't think it was necessary to have the "break up" talk.

"Well aren't you gonna let me in?" He opened the door the rest of the way and let himself in.

"Damien. Please leave. I have nothing to say to you."

I need a favor. And you're the perfect person for this job. For old times sake."

"I'm not gonna be your drug mule anymore! Go find someone else to do your dirty work."

He took a large envelope from his coat. "As if you had a choice. Don't forget that I know the real reason you came crawling to the city. Give this to Chuck Bass by tomorrow night. I want it delivered right to his hands. Don't make me come back here."

"Oh, I put a little extra in there for you." He threw the envelope on the couch and left.

...

Serena was so fucked. It had to be Chuck of all people. She might as well march right to Nate and tell him that she was a coke whore.

Her hand was trembling as she pressing the elevator button to Chuck's hotel room. She knocked on the door to his suite.

"Serena? Nate isn't here –" He didn't expect to see her.

"I know he's not. I'm looking for you. But please don't tell Nate why I'm here."

"Okay that shouldn't be hard since I have no idea why you're here myself."

She pulled a white envelope from her bag and handed it to him. He took the envelope and dumped its contents on the table. 5 small bags of white powder.

"Where did you get this? How do you know Damien? Wow, Serena I didn't know this side of you." Chuck found the situation almost humorous.

"Chuck please, it's not funny. Nate can't find out –"

"Nate can't find out about what?" Nate stood behind Serena and she instinctively put her bag on the table, to cover the contents in the envelope.

"Nate! What are you doing here?" He could not have come at a worst time.

He gave her a worried look. "What are you hiding back there?"

Chuck could come to the rescue. Or he could just step back and let things unravel. He wanted his wingman back anyway.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Nate, please –"

Nate went around her and snatched a little bag peeking out under her bag. "Coke? Is this yours?"

"Nope. It's mine now." Chuck took the bag back along with the others and walked to the other room.

"What so your a drug dealer?" Nate was extremely confused.

"No!" She would not tell him the truth about why she moved here. He would never look at her the same way.

"Serena, what the hell is going on?" His patience was wearing thin.

"Chuck bought them from a friend of mine. And he asked me to deliver them as a one time favor. That's it."

"Ok, that's not a big deal. No judgment from me. I just wanted to know the truth and you were being all weird and jumpy."

He wrapped his arms around her. She couldn't stop the tears from escaping her eyes. She did not deserve him, not even one bit. She could not live with herself if she had to lie to him for one more second.

"Nate I can't do this anymore."

"Do what? What are you talking about?" He wiped the tears off her face.

"Us. I can't be with you."

"What are you talking about? Look I don't care that you did your friend a favor. I wouldn't even care if you were Chuck's dealer. I don't care." She stopped crying.

"It's not that. I just can't do it."

Nate wanted to slam his head repeatedly against a wall. That made more sense to him than this. "Where is this coming from? I want to be with you. I love you."

_I love you too. That's why I'm doing this._ "I'm sorry, Nate." She grabbed her bag and turned to leave.

Nate grabbed her hand and turned her back around. This could not be happening. Everything between them was perfect yesterday. "I'm not letting you leave until you look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me."

The last thing Serena wanted was to hurt him. But at least the pain now would be bearable. If she kept this going and he found out the truth, the pain would be unbearable for the both of him. She had lied to so many people in the past. Why should this be any different. She looked at him right in the eye, "I don't love you." She was surprised she hadn't choked on the words but she felt so much hate for herself, hate that she hadn't felt in a long time.

Nate felt like someone was literally stomping on his heart; he couldn't breathe. He didn't try to stop her when she left. She didn't love him anymore. Somewhere along the lines she changed her mind or she had never really loved him at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Serena stayed in bed the next couple of days. She had always relied on drugs to deal with her emotions and now she felt a craving for them that she couldn't ignore.

It was 2am on Saturday night when she called Damien, he would probably still be in the city. "Damien, where are you? I need you. And bring my usual order."

She hung up the phone. Now that Nate was gone she realized how lonely she had been even when she was with him. Her mom was just flying in from Atlanta, where she was organizing a charity event, Eric was always with his friends, Blair hated her, and the rest of her other girl friends were only with her when she was shopping on 5th avenue.

Damien always liked her when she was at her worst. He would love to see her now.

She greeted him with a kiss. He pulled away and smiled at her, "I missed that."

Damien and Serena spent the next few hours making out, snorting drugs, and swallowing pills. She woke up the next day feeling disoriented. Damien was still at her side. They both showered and stayed went out to her kitchen. Eric and Lily were sitting at the dinner table reading their newspaper.

"Serena, brunch is ready. I didn't want to wake you."

Serena looked at her maid, "Set the table for one more."

Eric and Lily both looked up.

"Damien? What the hell is he doing here? Get out of my house!" Lily did not want Damien anywhere near Serena.

"If Damien goes I go." Serena had so much oxycodone in her system that she felt nothing at all. She was numb.

"Serena, please. I thought we were past this."

Damien didn't have time to deal with the van der Woodsen drama. "Serena it's fine. I gotta go anyway but I'll be back in a few hours."

"Thanks a lot mom. Now look what you did."

"Eric go to your room. Honey, please. Don't go back down this road, this isn't you. You were doing so well."

"This is who I am, mom! This is what you made me!" She knew it wasn't fair. But she wanted her mother to feel a fraction of the pain that she felt.

"This is just a bad moment for you."

"Oh, come on mom! You're so ashamed of me you can't even admit that I have a problem. You made me this way and now nobody can love me. I can't even love myself." Serena collapsed on the couch and started crying to hard that she was heaving.

Lily wrapped her arms around her daughter and cried too. "Honey, please. Just let me help you. Please."

...

Serena had zero energy when she showed up to school on Monday. The past few days had been an emotional rollercoaster. And all the drugs that had been in her system took a huge physical toll on her body. She was no longer with Nate but she wouldn't use that as an excuse to go back to her old days.

She got home and went straight to Eric's room. She didn't feel like being alone in that big house. He was on his laptop and as soon as he heard her he slammed it shut.

"What were you looking at? Come on, tell me?"

"Nothing. Just Gossip Girl. It's stupid." He scooted over to make room for her.

Serena heard so many people say that before. "Gossip Girl? Why does everybody keep talking about that? I don't get it."

"You've never been on gossip girl? It's just some stupid website. Forget about it."

She got up to go back to her room.

"Hey Serena?"

She looked at her little brother. He looked afraid.

"I like the new Serena. The old Serena, the one that was here a couple of days ago, I don't like her. She's not coming back, is she?"

Serena felt a lump in her throat. "I'm trying really hard. I like the new Serena too."

Serena couldn't sleep that night and decided to check out what Gossip Girl was all about. It was a website and she was part of it, pictures and all. A website that updated people on her life. And Blair's life. And Chuck's. And Nate. Nate. She clicked on his name. The latest entry was a picture of him leaving a club with a blonde on his arm. The caption read: "Golden Couple, no more?"

...

Blair was throwing a party to celebrate the school year coming to an end. And she decided to invite Serena van der Woodsen. After her break up with Nate, Serena looked like a mess. Even Blair took pity on her.

Serena showed up to Blair's party with her little brother. Eric had convinced her to get out of her house and socialize. She knew Nate would be there, but she'd have to face him sooner or later.

When she saw Nate he looked away and kept walking. It was like she didn't even exist. He felt nothing for her; he didn't show signs of dislike for her. She had never felt so insignificant in her whole life.

She ran upstairs to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Chuck was in there. Snorting lines from the bathroom sink. He looked up and her and handed her the rolled bill he was snorting through.

Serena and Chuck linked arms and stumbled down the stairs. She felt so good.

Blair walked into the bathroom to find Serena passed out on the floor. She got the showerhead and sprayed her with it. Serena responded, and Blair and Dorota moved her to the guest room.

Serena and Blair spent most of the summer doing everything together. Serena was the only one of Blair's friends who told her the truth, who wasn't afraid of her. Serena was Blair's only genuine friend.

There were only a couple of weeks left until the start of their junior year and Blair planned a movie night but Serena never showed up. Blair called her cell. No response.


	6. Chapter 6

Serena woke up in a room that she had never seen before. There were still lines on the nightstand, empty prescription bottles all over the room, and joints on the floor. She had no idea where she was, who she was with, or what day it was. She felt so lost.

She put on her shoes and grabbed what she recognized as her purse in a chair. Her phone was dead. She ran out of the building and hailed a cab home.

She was exhausted and in desperate need of a shower. There was no one home. She went to her room and plugged her phone in. The date came on the screen. She realized she had no recollection of the last 3 days. She had officially hit rock bottom.

After she showered she went back to her room and found her mom sitting on her bed.

"Serena, I've been looking for you for days." There were dark circles under Lily's eyes.

She climbed on her bed and curled up against her mother. Her bottom lip quivered and tears started falling out of her eyes. "Mom, I need help."

...

Serena called Blair to her penthouse; she wanted to say goodbye. Blair walked into Serena's bedroom.

"I've been calling you for days, where have you been?"

Serena took Blair's hand and told her parts of her life that she had never said out loud before. They cried together.

"I need to go away for some time. I need to get better."

"Like, to rehab?" Blair managed to say through sniffles. "But you're my best friend."

Serena smiled. "You're my best friend too Blair. But I need to do this."

Blair nodded. It was sad that they had so little time together. "Will you call?"

Serena nodded. They hugged and had the last slumber party they would have in a while.

Serena was packed and ready to go. There was only one other person she wanted to say bye to and he was in Monaco for the Summer. She left a letter with her doorman, asking him to mail it for her.

Serena didn't know how to say goodbye to she wrote him a letter:

_Dear Natie,_

_ I have made a lot of mistakes in my life but the one I regret_

_ the most is hurting you. I never wanted you to see the real _

_ me but you deserve the truth. The girl you met is only a projection of who I hope to be someday. The real me is selfish, insecure, and has a drug addiction. I need to work on getting better. Thanks for making me a better person, if only for a little while. Love, Serena._


	7. Chapter 7

**1 year later **

Serena got out of her cab eagerly. She could not believe she was back in the city. There was only a week left in the summer before she would start her senior year at Constance. It seemed like only yesterday when she stepped foot her for the first time, it was the second semester of 10th grade. Now here she was about to start her senior year.

Her mom had kept her whereabouts a secret. She was not allowed to have a cell phone and was allowed one phone call a week to a non-relative. Serena thought about calling Nate but week after week she backed out. She had called Blair a couple of times but Blair was in Paris over the summer and it was hard to get hold of her. After spending 4 months in rehab, Serena went to boarding school for her junior year. She had made some very good friends but she was glad to be back with her family.

She went to visit Blair right when she got to the city. She missed her and she was sad that they had been in such little contact since she had left.

She heard music coming from the penthouse and when she got off the elevator she realized there was a party. There were mostly Mrs. Waldorfs friends but she knew some of her classmates would be there too. She wondered if Nate would be there. Her heart ached a little. She had no idea what he had been up to all this time.

Standing against a wall she saw Blair standing by herself. She went over to her. Blair did a double take when she saw her coming.

"Serena?" Serena threw her arms around Blair, hugging her tightly.

Blair hugged Serena back. She missed her friend. "What are you doing here? How long are you in the city for?"

"I'm back! For good."

"Wow. You look good!"

"I feel good. I'm doing good."

Her and Blair caught up for a few seconds but she went to go say hi to Mrs. Waldorf.

Nate walked over with two drinks and handed one to Blair, she looked like she had just seen a ghost. "Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah." She intertwined her fingers with his and pulled him close to her, claiming her territory. "You won't believe who I just saw."

Nate looked at Blair. He had no idea who she could be talking about.

"Nate?" He looked up to that familiar voice.

"Serena." He quickly let go of Blair's hand. He could not believe his eyes. He took a step toward her and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. She hugged him and he embraced her tightly. He hadn't realized how much he missed her; he wished he never had to let go. He also hadn't realized how much it would hurt to see her and not be able to kiss her or touch her like he used to.

"Nate. I have so much to tell you." He let go of Serena and looked at Blair. She didn't look very happy.

Blair looked at Serena. "It's getting late and I'm going to bed. Serena, lunch before school starts?" Serena nodded and Blair turned to Nate. "Good night, baby. See you tomorrow." She leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

Serena felt all the air escape her body. Nate and Blair were together. Dating.

Nate grabbed her by the arm and led her to an empty room. She struggled to regain her breath.

"I thought Blair had told you. About us." He looked down at his shoes.

Serena's eyes filled with water and she tried not to let the tears escape her eyes. "I'm happy for you guys, really." He was silent. "How long have you been together?"

"About 11 months." A month after she left.

She felt a sting. "Do you love her?"

Nate nodded. "I think so." Nate finally gathered up the courage to look at her.

"I'm happy that you're happy."

He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head, "I've missed you so much."

Serena cried and hung on to him tightly. "Me too," she said through sniffles.

Nate's eyes filled with tears too. He remembered how much he loved her only a year ago. His heart broke. _It should have been you._

...

When Lily walked in her daughter's room she didn't expect Serena to still be awake.

"You should go to sleep. You've had a long day."

Serena looked down at her lap. "I saw Blair today. And Nate. They're dating now."

Lily already knew. She saw Blair and Nate often. Although she tried to avoid them because their presence made her think about how Serena was gone.

"Okay, I'm going to tell you my secret to grieving over a guy. 3 days. You give yourself 3 days to wallow in self-pity. The first day you watch Kate Hudson movies. The second day you cry your eyes out and watch trashy television. The third day you cry your eyes out and go on an Audrey Hepburn binge. The next day you get up, get dolled up and go shopping for all your new school clothes."

Serena couldn't help but laugh.

Her mom kissed her forehead. "I'll get the ice cream tomorrow. Fudge syrup is always a good idea too.

...

She had her 3 days of self-pity and the next day she got up, put make up on, and met Blair for lunch.

Blair and Nate had both called her in the past few days but her mother banned her from speaking to either them during her grieving period.

Blair already had a table when Serena got there. "Blair!"

Blair smiled and hugged Serena.

Blair looked up from her salad. "I'm sorry I kissed Nate in front of you like that. I just got jealous. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"It's alright. I'm happy for you guys. And I don't want it to be awkward. If you wanna tell me all about your boyfriend just like you would if it were any other guy, then please do so."

Blair smiled and reached over to put her hand on Serena's. "Welcome home, S."


	8. Chapter 8

Serena wasn't sure if Blair had a rule over whether or not she could have lunch with Nate, but she went to meet him anyway.

Nate's face brightened up when he saw Serena walking towards his table. She was so beautiful. And so sweet. He missed her so much. She smelled the way she always did and he breathed in deeply to bask in it, he felt a sting in his heart. He loved Blair, he was sure he did. But he had loved Serena too. And that was unquestionable.

After Serena caught Nate up on her experiences in rehab and boarding school, he decided to lighten up the mood by telling her his adventures in Europe with Chuck. He left out all the girls, of course.

After an hour of laughter and reminiscing. Serena looked at Nate right in the eye with a smile.

"I'm so glad we could do this. You know, the whole friend thing."

Nate gave her a fake smile and when he saw her look down he knew she saw right through him. He forgot how well they knew each other.

They left the restaurant together and hugged goodbye. He never wanted to let her go. Ever. He kissed the top of her head and walked away without another word.

...

Nate decided to go to Chuck, he needed someone to talk to.

"Nathaniel."

Nate looked at Chuck, he wasn't the ideal person to have a deep discussion with but he had to work with what he had.

"I had lunch with Serena today." He looked down at the floor.

"Is she as hot as she was when she left?"

"Hotter. She looks..." He was speechless.

"Rough." Chuck said, understanding all the things that Nate said with his silence.

"I love Blair, I really do. I do!" He said again when Chuck gave him a comprehensive look.

"Are you trying to convince me? Or yourself." Chuck had a point.

"It's just...hard. With her being back and so close to me and whenever I'm with Blair I drift in and out with Serena on my mind. And I feel so guilty. You know? And it doesn't make sense. I've been dating Blair longer than Serena even lived here. I should love Blair, not Serena..." He realized what he just said.

"Nathaniel, you're sitting on my scarf." Nate got up. Chuck was no help at all.

...

Nate and Blair decided to watch a movie the night before school started. Blair was cuddling with him on the coach when his phone rang. It was Serena calling.

"Sorry I gotta take this." He ran out of the room.

"Hey! What's up?"

"Hey Nate, I was just wondering if you were busy. I wanna hang out. We could watch a movie and order pizza or something?" Serena missed Nate and she really wanted to try to be friends.

"Um, yeah. Sure, I'm not busy at all. I'll see you soon." He walked back to Blair.

"Sorry, I have to go. My mom wants me home. Late Dinner." He kissed Blair on the cheek and quickly left before she had time to protest.

Nate hadn't been to Serena's house in a long time and he was feeling more than a little nostalgic when she opened the door. He had to stop himself from leaning over and kissing her. Force of habit.

She flashed him a great big smile when she saw him. She held up a DVD. "Bourne?"

He smiled and followed her to her room. "I called Blair to see if she wanted to join us but she didn't pick up. I'm gonna try again."

"No! I mean...I just came from there and she was busy coordinating her outfit for tomorrow. First day, you know."

He lay on her bed and she put the movie in and lay next to him, making sure to leave space in between.

A while after the movie started he absentmindedly scooted over to her and put his arm around her, and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his and put her head on his chest.

They watched the remainder of the movie quietly and it wasn't until he looked down that he realized she was asleep. He laid her back on the bed slowly and softly then pulled the bed covers over her.

He leaned over to kiss her cheek but when he got close to her face the only thing he could think about was her lips. He had never wanted anything or anyone so badly. Just one little kiss. He licked his lips and pressed them softly against hers. He closed his eyes to fully enjoy those few seconds. Then he turned off the tv and left.

**I'd love to know what you guys think of my story so far. It's the first story I've ever written and I would really appreciate any suggestions/constructive critism. **

**xoxo**


	9. Chapter 9

Nate walked into Blair's room silently and sat at the edge of her bed.

Blair knew he was in her room but she didn't look up from her laptop, her first day of school was already ruined and it was only 7am. She read out loud, "Spotted: N leaving B to go visit S. But don't worry B there was no sleep over, N was seen hailing a cab a 3 am. Trouble in paradise?"

Nate let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm sorry." He rubbed his face with his hands, the way he always did when he was upset.

"That's all you can say? You ditched me! Lied to me about your mother wanting you home for dinner. And went crawling back to Serena!"

Nate looked at her. "Nothing happened. I don't know why I did that. I'm an idiot, ok? Is that what you want to hear?"

"You're such an asshole."

"You're smothering me! Maybe if you didn't have to have me by your side then I wouldn't be trying so hard to find any excuse to get away!" Nate regretted his words as soon as he said them. Really, he was just trying to pick a fight.

"I'm smothering you? Fine! Then get the hell out!" She threw a pillow hard towards his face and when he caught it she was even more furious.

"I didn't mean that. I'm so sorry. I'm just in such a bad mood. I don't know why I'm taking it out on you. Sorry."

Blair scowled and turned her back on him. She stared out the window.

Nate walked over and brushed Blair's hair over her shoulder, he kissed the base of her neck. "Hey, look at me." She turned around with a frown on her face. "Today I'm going to tell Serena that I won't be talking to her anymore, okay?"

Blair nodded, "Fine."

He took her hand. "Come on. It's our last first day of high school."

...

Serena had a weird first day. Every one of her classmates looked at her with pity. She even had photographers waiting outside her building. It was weird that so many people knew her deepest secrets and her mistakes. She felt lucky to have Blair, who tried her best to distract her.

She had called Nate a few times in the past days but he hadn't picked up or called her back. After school she went to St. Judes, the halls were pretty much empty and Nate was nowhere in sight. Her mom called her phone and she ducked in the nearest bathroom so she could hear her properly.

"Hey Serena, just wanted to tell you not to skip dinner tonight."

"K mom. See you later. Love you too. Bye." Just as she was saying bye Nate walked in the bathroom. She was the last person he expected to see in there.

"Natie! Hey. I couldn't hear very well in the hall and my mom called. I've called you, did you get my messages?"

Nate walked over to wash his hands. "Yeah I did." He looked down.

"Oh. Ok. Is something wrong?"

"Look, Serena. I don't think we should be friends anymore."

"What? Why?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I just don't think it's a good idea." He couldn't even look at her.

"Did I do something wrong?" Her voice cracked a little.

"No. You didn't. I just don't think it's going to work out." He turned to leave but she caught him by the arm and turned him back.

"You could at least tell me why."

He couldn't hold back anymore. He looked her in the eye, put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her towards him. He kissed her softly at first and when he felt her slip her tongue in his mouth he kissed her hungrily. She slipped her hands under her shirt and he lifted her up and sat her on the sink. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him as close as she possibly could. Then he kissed her neck and she put her hands firmly on his back while he slipped his hands under her shirt. With one quick movement he unhooked her bra and she snapped back to reality. She put one hand firmly on his chest and pushed him away.

The sudden shove made him take a couple of steps backward.

He was breathing hard, he wanted more. He stepped back to kiss her again and she looked down.

"Nate, we can't do this. It's not fair to Blair. And it's not fair to us."

He was still trying to get his breathing back to normal. He wet his face with cold water and she reached under her shirt to hook her bra back on.

Nate looked at Serena and brushed a strand of hair off her face. "I'm sorry."

She smiled through her tears. "Me too. You're right. We can't be friends, not yet. But I'm here for you, if you ever need me."

Nate touched her chin and lifted her face to his. He kissed her softly on the forehead. "Bye Serena."

...

**Hey guys. I'm sorry it's so sad! Also, there may be a little D/S action, please don't hate me! haha.**

**To: BikerChick101, kasiulka, lydia 826, and anonymous reviewers thanks so much for your comments! I really appreciate it. And to those of you who started following my story, I promise to update fast!**


	10. Chapter 10

Serena wanted to spend some time by herself, away from the Upper East Side. She decided to go to an art gallery in Brooklyn, she had seen a flyer at St. Jude's.

She walked around the gallery until she found her favorite piece. It was the shadow of a girl in red surrounded by darkness. She stood in front of it to take in every detail.

Dan Humphrey saw Serena van der Woodsen walk in to his dad's gallery. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Dan fell in love with Serena the first day he saw her in the 10th grade. He never had the guts to talk to her especially after she started dating Nate Archibald. He hated Mr. Perfect. He gathered up his courage and stood next to her.

"This is my favorite." He said staring at the painting.

"Mine too. It's so captivating." Serena looked at him. He was tall, with dark brown hair and a strong jaw. He was cute. She had seen him around a few times.

"I'm Serena. You go to St. Jude's right?"

"Yeah. I'm Dan. Dan Humphrey." He held his hand out and she shook it.

They talked for the next hour. His dark sarcasm made her laugh and he looked at her in a way that made her feel like she was important.

She looked at the time. "I should get going. It was really nice to meet you, Dan."

"It was nice to meet you too. Do you wanna grab coffee sometime?"

She smiled. "Sure, that'd be great. Maybe after school next week?"

...

"You'll never guess who Serena has a date with today?" Blair said between giggles. Nate and Blair where having lunch at a cafe a couple of blocks from Constance.

Nate looked up at her. _Serena...a date?_

"Dan Humphrey. That scholarship kid from Brooklyn. The one Chuck always laughs at."

Nate started to choke on his sandwich and quickly chugged down his soda. "Dan Humphrey?" _What the fuck?_ Nate knew he had no right to be upset. But he was pissed.

...

"How did Dan Humphrey manage to get a date with Serena?" Nate said as he caught up to Chuck.

"Where did you hear that?" Chuck couldn't hide his amusement.

"Blair."

"No way." He smirked. "Don't tell me your jealous of Humphrey? Speak of the devil."

Dan had just turned the corner and was walking towards them while reading a book. Nate was in a bad mood. He just felt like being an asshole. Just as Dan was walking by Nate shoved him against the wall. "Watch where you're going Brooklyn!"

"Oh. Good one, Nate." Dan shoved Nate back, he was tired on the Upper East Siders and their sense of entitlement. It was just the excuse Nate was looking for. He balled up his fist and punched Dan hard on the cheek, one of his knuckles caught Dan's nose. He stumbled backwards and blood started to flow out.

"Nate! What the hell are you doing!" He turned around. Serena was running towards him.

She helped Dan get back on his feet. "Oh my God. Are you okay?"

She turned back to Nate. Chuck couldn't stop his laughter.

"Serena he ran into my fist." Nate smirked..

Serena shoved Nate. "Don't ever put a hand on him again." She grabbed Dan's hand and led him to the school nurse.

"Come on, Serena! He's fine!" Nate yelled after.

Chuck put his hand on his best friends shoulder. "At least you made me feel better."

...

"We can reschedule our date if you want." Serena saw Dan waiting at her locker.

"I'm fine. This is nothing." He smiled at her reassuringly.

Their date lasted hours. She talked about her family and he talked about his. He told her about his dreams and future goals. It was nice to talk to someone so removed from drama and from the Upper East Side.

...

Serena and Dan had been dating for a couple of weeks when she texted him to meet her behind the stairs in St. Jude after school. That was where students went to make out or to smoke weed, sometimes both.

Dan showed up and she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him towards her.

She giggled. "Oh hey. Get over here before your girlfriend sees us."

He laughed. "You kinda remind me of her. But she's way hotter."

"Hey! Shut up!" Serena teased and she playfully hit his shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a deep kiss.

"Nathaniel!" Chuck pulled a joint out of his pocket and held it out to Nate. "Let's take a few hits before school starts."

Nate followed him outside. Their usual spot was taken so they went to the place behind the back stairs.

Chuck lit the joint and passed it to him. Nate took a hit before hurrying down the stairs and making a sharp turn. He heard a familiar giggle.

Dan had Serena pressed against the back of the stairs and he simultaneously whispered in her ear and kissed her neck while she giggled.

Nate stood there, frozen. Serena saw a familiar figure looking at them. It was Nate. She pushed Dan off and cleared her throat.

"Nate, hey. Hey Chuck." Chuck nodded his head and Nate just looked at her. She grabbed Dan's hand and led him away.

...

Nate went to visit Blair. He wanted to forget Serena even existed. Blair was sitting on her bed while on her laptop when Nate burst into her room locking the door behind him. She did not expect to see him.

She looked up at him and without saying a word he closed her laptop placed in on the floor and pulled her on top of him.

He kissed her angrily. She had never seen this side of him and it turned her on. He ripped her clothes off and she took off his shirt then unzipped his pants. She kissed his lips then down to his neck and down to his chest all the while rubbing the lump in his boxers. He placed both of his hands on his chest while Blair pulled his boxers down and went lower and lower.

Nate let out a soft whisper. "Oh God. Serena."

Blair froze and Nate's body tensed up.

"What the hell did you just call me?" Blair rolled off him immediately.

"Blair. I am so sorry. I have no idea where that came from."

"Get out!"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Get the hell out!" She threw his pants at him.

He grabbed his clothes and stumbled out of her room.

...

**_There's so much going on in this chapter! Let me know what you guys think :_**)


	11. Chapter 11

Eric opened the door and saw Nate standing outside

"Hey Eric. Is your sister here?"

"Hey Nate! She left with Dan a while ago but she should be back soon. Wanna come in and wait for her?"

Nate nodded and walked in, "I'll be in her room."

Nate was watching tv when Serena walked in half an hour later.

"What are you doing here?"

He turned off the tv and looked up at her. "I just had to come see you."

"Are you okay?"

He looked at his lap. "I'm just so confused."

When Nate woke up it was morning and Serena was asleep with her hand holding his. He had a bad night and she was kind enough to let him stay with her without him telling her what happened.

She woke up a few minutes after he did and let go of his hand quickly. "I'm gonna go shower. You can use the bathroom down the hall."

Nate showered and sat in Serena's room with a towel wrapped around his waist while her housekeeper cleaned his boxers and his uniform.

"Nate!" Serena called from the bathroom. "I forgot a towel! Could you bring me one please!"

Nate ran to get a towel and knocked on the door. "Come in," he heard her say. She hid behind the shower curtains.

He handed her the towel and she came out running her finger through her hair a few seconds later.

Nate was too nervous to look at her. He stared at the floor. "Yesterday, after I saw you and Dan I was really pissed off. So I went to Blair so she could make me forget you. And the complete opposite happened. I called her Serena."

Serena turned to look at him. "Oh, Nate. Buy her flowers, take her on a date and beg her to forgive you and take you back. It was just a mistake."

"Serena, I don't want her to take me back. I can't. I can't be with Blair, I don't want to be. I want to be with you."

Serena placed her hand on his cheek. "Natie, it's not that simple. You know it's not. You have Blair and she's amazing and I have Dan now."

He smiled sadly and closed his eyes. "Sometimes I just close my eyes and pretend. It's just you and me and no one else matters." He still wasn't used to being so honest with his feelings, he wasn't used to feeling like shit all the time.

She smiled back at him. "I pretend too. And then I open my eyes and snap back to reality. And I can't breathe. And it hurts. But it's getting better. It's going to get better."

...

Nate walked into Blair's room. Much like his old dog would walk back in his room with its tail between his legs after peeing on the carpet. Blair lay on her bed with her eye mask on but he knew her well enough to know she wasn't sleeping.

He didn't even know where to begin.

"Why are you here?" She said without taking her eye mask off.

He looked down at the floor, swallowed hard and sat on the edge of her bed.

She removed her eye mask, sat up on the bed, and with one quick strike slapped him hard across the face.

He felt the sting on his cheek and looked over at her.

"Sometimes I really hate you, you make me feel like crap. And then I remember how much I love you and that hurts even more; it's a never-ending cycle. I've loved you since I was 13 years old. And I'm just your consolation prize."

Nate looked down, "That's not true. I love you Blair. I just..."

"It's always going to be her isn't it? No matter what I do or how hard I try, it's always going to be her."

She wanted to ask him why she wasn't good enough but she refused to be that pathetic. "Sometime

He looked at her sadly. "What about us? It's over, isn't it?"

"Oh please. We never stood a chance. You made sure of that."

Nate got up to leave. "Blair, what we had. It was nice. It was real."

Blair nodded and closed the door in his face. She needed time alone to drown herself in self-pity. After she was crying she got out her phone and sent Nate a text: _If you really love S, go get her. Don't let me get in your way._

...

Serena got out of the cab in front of her building when she saw Nate sitting on the sidewalk.

"That's not very safe you know. Cars swerve in and out all the time."

"I wish." Nate muttered. He didn't even know why he was there. He didn't know anything anymore.

"What's wrong?" As soon as she walked over she could smell the scotch on him.

"Blair and I broke up."

"Oh, Natie. I'm so sorry."

"But that doesn't change anything right? You don't give a fuck about me. You just want to run around with Dan Humphrey." He tried to pull himself together. "Serena, I want to be with you. I love you."

Serena had a burning sensation in her chest, she wanted to tell him she loved him too. That she wanted nothing more than to be with him. That he was the first person she thought about every morning and the last person she thought about before she fell asleep. But she didn't want him to be like this and she didn't want him to say he loved her just because he was upset with Blair. "Nate, you and Blair just broke up. And you're drunk."

He got up suddenly. "I know what I'm saying! I want to be with you Serena!"

She felt her heart speed up, that's all she ever wanted to hear. But Blair was her best friend and she couldn't throw that all away. "We can't do that, Nate. Not now."

"It's now or never."

Serena looked at the ground. "Nate, don't do that. You should really just go home."

Nate suddenly understood Blair so much more. "You know what, Serena?" He said as he hailed a cab. "Sometimes I really hate you. You make me feel like shit. Then I remember how much I love you and then that cycle starts all over again. It's just too exhausting. I'm not doing it anymore." He got in the cab and shut the door.

...

**Thanks for your reviews! And the suggestions were great! I'll try my best. Let me know what you think so far! xoxo**


	12. Chapter 12

Serena woke up the next day feeling more exhausted than ever. There's no way she had more than 3 hours of sleep. Eric knocked on her door and when he walked in he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." She took a careful sip.

"So are you gonna tell me what's been going with you? I want the whole truth."

Serena looked at him, he was much more wise than she was. She never really talked much about her feelings, not even with her therapist, but she felt like she was going to explode. "Do you remember how I would always make fun of the girl in those stupid movies where she would cry and cry because she couldn't live without a guy? And I would be so upset, that she was portrayed as so weak and hopeless. I've turned into that girl."

Eric looked at her. "If you feel that way then what are you doing with Dan?"

"I like Dan, he makes me laugh. And I thought if I couldn't have Nate then I could have Dan so I wouldn't be so lonely. And then Nate came over last night and told me he loved me and that she wanted to be with me, and he was drunk and he and Blair just broke up so I said no."

"You should go talk to Nate."

"He said he's done with all the drama."

"Okay Serena. Why don't you be selfish for the next minutes, think about what would make you the happiest, and go do it."

Serena kissed her little brother's forehead and ran in the shower.

She rang the Archibald's doorbell. Mrs. Archibald opened the door. "Nate is in his room, not sure if he's awake yet though."

"Thanks." Serena walked in and went straight to Nate's bed. She walked in to find him sleeping, he was so beautiful it broke her heart. She studied his face carefully, a slight line was visible in between his eyebrows and his mouth was closed shut, as if he was having a less than pleasant dream. He slept shirtless with one hand on his chest and one on his side.

She took off her shoes and carefully slid under the covers next to him. It felt so good to feel the warmth of his body next to hers.

She woke up to the sound of running water. Nate was gone, he was in the shower. She mentally cursed herself for falling asleep.

Nate walked out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his waist. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"I just wanted to see you."

Nate looked at her direction but didn't seem to be looking at her at all. "Well you saw me."

"Nate, come on."

He let out a loud sigh and sat down next to her, but not too close. "I just don't know what to do anymore." He was so tired of all the back and forth. "Why can't you just be honest with me, for once in your life?"

She realized no one had ever asked her that question before. Although her mom had come close by always yelling at her to tell her the truth. "I'm not sure I know how."

He ran his hands through his hair. "Then what the hell are you doing here? I don't get you at all."

"Oh, Natie. I'm so sorry. I've just never felt so vulnerable in my whole life, and that's coming from someone who lost recollection of what she did for days at a time."

He put his hand over hers. "Just talk to me."

She said the words she had been wanting to say for so long. "I love you. And I don't want to hurt Blair but I want to be with you. And I'm scared to be with you because I'm afraid that I'll fuck it up. I am incapable of having a relationship with someone. I'm scared to think that someday you're going to get tired of me and you're going to leave because there is no way you love me as much as I love you."

He squeezed her hand and smiled at her. "See that wasn't so hard now was it?" He cupped her cheek with her hand and pulled her face up to his.

She kissed him back deeply. She had been waiting for that moment for months. "I love you. So much." She heard him say against her lips and she smiled and kissed him again.

...

After spending all weekend with Nate, Serena had to get back to the real world. The world where she couldn't just turn off her phone to avoid Dan and actually had to break up with him. A world where she would try to salvage whatever was left of her friendship with Blair.

Dan saw Serena walking down the hall and grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in the maintenance closet. He kissed her and she felt her body tense up.

"Dan, I need to talk to you." She took a couple of steps back.

"Ok." He searched her face but only found what he interpreted at regret. "What's wrong?"

"You're such a nice guy. You're so sweet and funny." She searched for the right words. _But I slept with Nate over and over again because I'm in love with him._ She couldn't help smiling at herself. _Nate was amazing in bed_. But back to the current issue, she cleared her throat and her smile disappeared. "I just think we're better off as friends."

"What? You're dumping me? Why?" He knew dating Serena was too good to be true.

She decided to try being honest. It worked so well with Nate, maybe Dan would understand. "This past weekend I was more honest with myself than I have been probably in my whole life. And I realized that I'm in love with Nate. And I'm so sorry. But I just really need to give me and him a shot or else I'd regret it for the rest of my life."

He scowled at her. "Wow. You know for all the talk about how tired you are of the Upper East Side life and all the fake people. You show know how to pick the people who fit the stereotype so perfectly. When are you gonna realize Nate is just another spoiled, entitled, rich little prick?"

Serena felt defensive. "You know what Dan? You don't know the first thing about Nate! And don't ever talk about him like that again." She opened the door and slammed it behind her, mostly for dramatic effect, and went to go find Blair.

...

Blair wasn't at school for the next few days. But she was sure that Blair had already seen all the posts on Gossip Girl showing Serena and Nate.

She walked in Blair's room with a coffee and croissant in hand. "Blair? OH MY GOD!"

Blair was on her bed and there was someone on top of her. Serena quickly closed the door, there was a lot of commotion coming from the inside of the room, as the two scrambled to put their clothes back on. She ran downstairs. Holy crap, talk about being scarred for life.

Serena saw a guy she didn't recognize give her an apologetic smile and then practically run out of the penthouse. Blair came down in a robe.

They looked at each other and Serena tried to stop her laughter. Blair made eye contact and they both exploded into laughter until their eyes got watery.

Serena hugged her best friend. "I am so sorry, Blair. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know. I should've dumped him when you got back to town. I mean, the way he looked at you. He never looked at me that way. Just keep the PDA to a minimum." Serena pointed upstairs and looked at her questioningly. "Oh that? That was just pre-Thanksgiving sex." She said in an absurdly casual tone.

Serena smiled. "Oh yeah, right! Don't even think you're going to get away with not telling me who that guy was. I'm scarred for life. So you better spill. Now!"

...

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you will enjoy reading it. Please let me know what you guys think! I love getting feedback and I try to work in all the suggestions! Thanks so much for reading xoxo**


	13. Chapter 13

The sun peaked through the curtains and woke Serena up. She looked at the time, it was just past 11. Nate slept next to her peacefully. She loved waking up to him, she had still had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She couldn't fall back asleep so she planted small kisses on Nate's bare chest until he finally opened his eyes.

"Morning." He stretched and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

She cuddled up next to him. "Natie, I'm hungryyy."

"Good for you." He said jokingly.

She faked a shocked look. "Mmm...chocolate chip pancakes. Get up!" She hit him gently with a pillow.

He rolled over on top of her and pinned her down beneath him. "Don't start a fight with me cause you're gonna lose!" He started tickling her until she was out of breath.

"I can't wait for Christmas break!" She said over brunch.

"I can. That just means college apps are gonna be due."

She frowned. "Ugh, don't remind me. Atleast we broke 2000 on the SATs. Oh and I finally proved my intellectual superiority." She giggled at her own cleverness.

"You scored 10 points higher than me! That does not even count."

"10 points is 10 points baby. No one likes a sore loser."

He stuck his tongue out at her. "I don't wanna talk about college. Let's talk about us going back to bed. I'll make it worth your while." He winked at her and they both laughed.

"I'd love to but you know Sundays are especially reserved for Blair. But I'll stop by tonight."

Nate rolled his eyes. "Fine."

...

Serena got to Blair's penthouse to find her yelling at Dorota.

"What's up your ass? We're going shopping, you should be happy." Serena told her best friend.

Blair scowled at her. "Yes, and Dorota can't find my favorite flats!" She waved Dorota off with one hand. "How's Nate doing?"

Serena was glad that her and Blair could talk about him. "Great! He says hi. How's your boy toy? Which one is it this week?"

Blair shrugged. She had been having fun dating lots of different guys but keeping up with all of them was becoming less exciting and more exhausting. "Believe me, if I remembered, I'd tell you."

...

When Nate and Serena woke up it was almost 2pm. It was January 1st and they had spent all of New Year's Eve partying with their friends. They had barely had any alone time unless they sneaked off to Nate's room at 4am and fell asleep.

Serena came out of the shower and Nate was checking his email.

"Hey, let's take pictures of how cute we are." She got dressed as he opened Photo Booth.

They spent 20 minutes messing with the effects and laughing hysterically at all the pictures.

"They have so many random ones!" Serena told Nate as he began to kiss her neck.

"I know something else we can do." He kissed her and slipped off her shirt.

...

Serena lay in Nate's bed with the covers over her. She went to Nate's house almost every day after his Lacrosse practice. His parents were never there, which made everything so much more perfect. He came back to his room with drinks for the both of them.

Serena smiled at him. "I love you."

He kissed her. "Me too. But only in times like these, when you're naked on my bed."

She gave him a light punch on the arm. She heard her phone and she grabbed it off his nightstand. It was an email from an address she didn't recognize. She hated spam.

Nate started to kiss her neck, "Put your phone down. We have to pick a movie –"

He pushed him away from her and Nate shot her a confused look. "Nate hand me your laptop."

"It's at the Apple store. I'm getting it fixed cause the battery would show it was full but then –" He saw the look of horror on Serena's face.

"Nate! Get me a laptop. Right now."

He slid on boxers and came back into the room carrying his mom's laptop a few seconds later. "I'm so confused right now."

She opened her email and turned the screen so they could both see:

From:

To: ,

Topic: OPEN ME

_What a performance! __Click here to download._

Serena tried to stay calm. "Nate. That video came from your laptop. Did you record us?"

Nate looked at her incredulously. "No! I would never do that. Especially not without you knowing."

She covered her face with her hands. Panic was starting to take over. "I know you wouldn't. If this gets out –"

"Serena. Look at me. I'm going to fix this okay?" He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her.

...

**Thanks for all the comments! Let me know what you think about this/ any suggestions!**


	14. Chapter 14

Nate walked into the Apple store; he was pissed. "I need to pick up my laptop."

The manager smiled at him, "Ok, Mr. Archibald. I'll bring it right out."

Nate snatched his computer out of his hands. He tried to remain as calm as possible. "A very important file was taken from my computer. And it was here while this happened. If I find out you or one of your workers took it, you're going to regret it. Expect a call from my lawyer."

Nate and Serena spent all day at Chuck's, listening to him explain their situation to his PI.

"Thanks so much for helping Chuck." Serena handed him a glass of scotch.

"Yeah no problem. As long as I get to see the video." He smirked at them.

"It's not funny," Serena snapped. "I am so fucked." Chuck opened his mouth to say something clever but Serena beat him to it, "Don't say anything."

Chuck laughed and Nate couldn't help but smile.

Chuck stood in front of Nate and Serena. "I heard back from my PI. He knows how the video was stolen. Most laptop default settings enable file sharing and when you turn on your computer, it automatically connects to whatever public wifi network has the strongest signal. Someone knew that your computer was at the Apple store getting fixed, they saw your laptop was connected to the public network and then went through your files and found the video then simply dragged it to their own desktop. It's unlikely that any workers did it but it's going to be hard to find out who until you forward me that email you got."

Nate nodded. "Let us know as soon get any news. And thanks, man. I appreciate it."

...

Chuck had his PI trying to find out who was blackmailing them but nothing had been discovered.

Serena and Nate decided that it was time to get Lily involved.

"You don't have to come with me, Natie."

Nate really didn't want to be there. This was probably going to be the most awkward conversation of his life but he didn't want Serena to have to do it by herself. He sat next to her on the couch and squeezed her hand.

"So, what's this about?" Lily asked cautiously. It wasn't depression so it most likely wasn't drugs either. She braced herself. Serena was pregnant. Oh, God.

"Mom, I don't really know how to say this. I have a problem and I was trying to take care of it on my own but it hasn't been working it. I need you, and I need professional help."

Lily went into panic mode. Oh my God. Serena had been trying to make herself have an abortion. And it didn't work. So now she had to go to a clinic. She tried to remain calm. "Serena. Babies are a precious gift. And a fetus is a life. Have you guys even thought about this –" Her voice cracked.

Serena and Nate were confused. They didn't really know where this was coming from. "Oh!" Nate exclaimed and started shaking his head violently. "No. No."

Serena was shocked. "Mom I am NOT pregnant!"

"Oh Thank God." Lily felt a wave of relief and felt her body immediately relax. "So what is it?"

"There's a video of me and Nate...being intimate. And someone is using it to blackmail us."

"A sex video? You recorded yourself while..." She took a deep breath and shot Nate a stern look.

"It was an accident! We didn't notice my laptop was on. I am so sorry." Nate struggled to find words.

"Well that isn't the important part. I'm going to take care of this.." Lily had her lawyer on speed dial.

"Thank you so much mom!" Serena kissed her mom and the cheek and grabbed Nate's hand and let him to the bedroom.

"Hey! Come back out here. Why don't you guys watch tv on the couch instead?" Nate immediately dropped Serena's hand and Lily smiled at the uncomfortable look they exchanged.

...

Nate decided to surprise Serena with a romantic dinner on his boat. They had been under so much stress lately. College apps were nothing compared to the stress because of this sex video.

Serena stepped on the boat to find rose petals, champagne and a meal on the table. "Wow, Natie. This looks amazing."

He smiled at her. "I'm glad you like it. I just wanted to get away from all the craziness. Being right here, with you. It makes me so happy."

She held him tight. "I'm so happy too. I love you." She kissed him and he pulled her chair out for her.

After dinner they talked and laughed and got a little tipsy. She kissed him lightly. "Come my darling. Let's go check out the bedroom."

He smiled and followed her down the stairs.

...

**I am in love with S/N! Haha, anyway keep the comments coming. I love hearing back from you guys. **

****SPOILER ALERT*****

**Also...I may or may not bring a certain brunnette into the picture. But only briefly.**


	15. Chapter 15

Serena and Nate walked down Park Avenue and Nate saw a brunnette he recognized walking towards them.

"Georgina? Wow, I didn't expect to see you here."

Georgina smiled and gave him a quick hug. "Yeah, I moved back to the city a couple of days ago. Hey Serena."

Serena gave her a dirty look. Nate looked at Georgina, "Wait, you guys know each other?"

Georgina smiled. "We go way back!" She leaned over and gave Serena a tight embrace. "I was actually just on my way to visit you."

"Well I'll leave you two alone. I guess I'll be seeing you around." Nate gave Serena a quick kiss and left.

Serena turned to the brunette. "What the hell are you doing here? What do you want from me?"

"Oh, relax. No one is gonna see that video. I found out you and Nate were dating and I got bored so I decided to mess with you."

"Stay away from me."

"Hey, I'm happy for you. Nate is a hot piece of ass, we go way back. I let him feel my boobs in the 8th grade."

Serena rolled her eyes. "If that video gets out you're going to regret it."

...

Serena was fed up with Georgina. She had Serena being her drug mule and Serena couldn't say no or she would leak the video to the press. She was sick of it. She needed to get rid of her.

Nate waited for Serena by her locker after school, she had been so distant lately.

Serena looked up at him. She had been avoiding Nate because she didn't want him to know anything about her past with Georgina. And she had blown him off on several occasions because she had to run around doing errands for Georgina. She felt horrible, all she wanted to do was be with him.

She gave him a kiss. "Hey."

"Where have you been lately? Barely seen you." He took her hand.

She looked at him. "I know." She looked at her phone to see a missed call from Georgina and a text message that read: _Call me back ASAP. –G. _"I gotta go. I'll stop by later, promise."

He gave her a hurt look but nodded.

...

G talked S into going out with her that night. They went to a club, headed straight to the bar and ordered martinis.

After her third martini Georgina looked at Serena, "Oh I put a little something in there. Just to make sure you had a good time."

Serena was horrified. "You what! You drugged me?"

"Oh relax. We did this all the time."

She got up and went to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face. She had to get out of there before the drug took effect. She took out her phone and called Nate.

"Hey, I'm waiting for you. Where are you?"

She started sobbing. "Natie. Please come get me. Please"

Nate got up and slipped his shoes on. "Baby, calm down. Tell me where you are. I'm going to get you right now."

"I'm at this club. I can't remember what it's called. Give me a sec." She heard a beep. Her phone died.

She went back to the bar to grab her coat, she was going to hail a cab and get the hell out of there. Georgina was talking to two older guys.

"This is my friend Serena!" They both smiled approvingly.

Everything started spinning. All she wanted to do was dance. She grabbed one of the guys, Derek, and headed towards the dance floor. They danced and danced and he kissed her deeply. She kissed him back then spun around and around. After dancing the guy whispered something she didn't understand, grabbed her hand and headed to the exit.

She could barely stand and leaned on Derek, he put his arm around her waist and waited for a cab.

"Serena!" She turned around and saw Nate running towards her. "Hey, get the fuck away from her!" He snatched Serena away and gave Derek a hard shove.

"Who the fuck are you?" Derek asked aggressively.

"Her boyfriend. You pig."

Derek saw security coming towards them and got in the cab and left.

"Natie! We only kissed a little bit." Serena giggled. "But I love you." She threw her arms around his neck.

Nate pushed her back firmly. He saw Georgina exit the club and walk quickly away when she saw him. He thought about going after her but Serena was more important. "I'm glad you think that cheating on me is so funny."

She looked at him, then down at the floor. Turned her head to the side and threw up.

...

Blair got Nate's call and called Chuck who was at her house immediately. When Nate walked in he was carrying a passed out Serena in his arms.

"What the hell happened!" Blair looked at Nate. The three of them remembered the end of 10th grade, when they had to take care of Serena when she drunk and high.

"She called me to go get her and I go all over town looking for this club. I find her about to go home with some guy and she's drugged out of her mind."

"Oh, God." Blair looked down at Serena. "Should we take her to the hospital?"

Chuck walked over to Serena. "No." He pinched Serena who moved uncomfortably. "See? She's responding to pain."

...

Serena woke up the next morning feeling like she hadn't felt in almost 2 years. She hated Georgina and she hated herself for hurting Nate. She didn't really know where she was until she recognized Blair's guest room. She hopped in the shower and went downstairs to find Nate, Blair and Chuck eating quietly.

She took the empty chair next to Nate. "Hey."

Nate was thankful that Blair broke the silence. "Serena, what the hell were you thinking? Georgina is bad news. I hate that bitch. And if you're doing so well. I thought you were past the drugs."

Serena looked down. She couldn't have them think she was going back to her old ways. "I didn't take the drug, okay? She put it in my drink. And as soon as I realized I called Nate to get me but my phone died. Then it kicked in and everything got so hazy."

Nate looked at her. "She drugged you? What?"

"Me and Georgina have history. And I'm not proud of it. Some of the things we did. And now she's using that against me to ensure that I won't tell anyone what happened."

"What does she have on you?"

Serena looked down.

Blair looked at her best friend. "You can tell us. I spent 2 hours washing puke out of your hair last night. I've found you snorting lines from the bathroom sink while peeing at the same time. It's not like you're the only one who has fucked up. I had sex with Chuck."

Nate and Serena gave Blair & Chuck a shocked look. They did not see that coming. "I cheated on Blair with you. And called her Serena while she gave me a blowjob." He smiled at her and Blair rolled her eyes.

They all looked at Chuck. "I'm Chuck Bass."

Blair smiled at her. "You can tell us anything. We don't judge. We are the non-judging breakfast club. We're your best friends. Anything you do, is something we did too."

...

**Had to add that last line. I'm in love with it. Let me know what you think!**


	16. Chapter 16

Blair had G's takedown planned; all they had to do was wait for the right moment. Serena needed some time off from all the scheming so she called Nate over,.They in front of each other with their laptops out. It was April 1st, which meant that college decisions were out. And it was the first time they had been alone with the incident at the club.

"Checking Columbia." Nate held his breath and then a huge smile spread across his face. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Really! I knew it!" She reached over and squeezed his hand.

He smiled. They had talked about it. If he got into Columbia he wouldn't check any of his other acceptances and if she got into Brown then she wouldn't check any others.

"I got into Brown!" She bounced up and down in her seat.

"Congrats. I'm gonna go home to tell my parents."

"But you just got here."

"I'll see you tomorrow." He gave her a quick kiss and left.

They had talked about it. He would go to Columbia and she would go to Brown and they would make it work. She opened a new window and logged on to the Columbia website, she got in. She smiled to herself and went to tell her mom that she was going to Brown.

...

Georgina had a lot of incriminating evidence, including many videos of Serena doing drugs to go along with the sex tape and she couldn't let them get out.

Blair called Serena. "Georgina's take down is happening. Tomorrow." She hung up.

Blair and Serena stood by the duck pond in central park. Serena held Blair's hand tightly, she was so thankful that her friends hadn't as much as grimaced when she told them everything G had on her. They waited for Georgina to walk by, as she had every morning for the past 4 days (they had been watching her).

As soon as Georgina saw them she turned around to walk the other way but instead bumped into Nate and Chuck.

Blair walked over and handed Georgina a file. "Do your parents know about your abortion, G? All 3 of them? You are sick."

Georgina looked horrified. "Where did you get this?" She clung on to the file for her life.

"I want everything you have on Serena, Nate and us and anyone we care about –that shouldn't be too hard, you know how limited the list is."

"You're not going to threaten me."

Blair stood tall. "You should remember how much I enjoy take downs. And how good I am at them. Or have you forgotten why you ran away to the Hamptons in the first place?"

"Fine I'll have everything in your place in an hour."

Chuck looked at Georgina. "I wouldn't try to run if I were you. We have people following you."

...

Serena waited for Nate by his locker, she had no barely any alone time with Nate in the past few days. They were all so busy with G's takedown.

Nate gave Serena a half smile, he wasn't nearly as happy to see her as he always was.

He looked uncomfortable as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I miss you."

"I have practice today." He broke away from her and opened his locker.

"So, skip." Serena smiled at him. He was always waiting for an excuse to not go to lacrosse practice.

Nate closed his locker, hard. "If I make a commitment to something I stick to it. Okay? You can't just waltz in here and assume I'm going to drop everything to be with you." He let out a frustrated breath.

"Natie, that's not what I meant. What is with you?"

He rubbed his face with his hands. "Nothing. I gotta go."

Serena had no idea where any of this was coming from. He turned away and she caught his hand. "Can we talk about this later? Please. Just come over whenever."

He nodded and she let go of his hand. "Oh and Natie?" He looked at her. "I love you."

He doubted that sometimes. But he hated to see that hurt look on her face. His expression softened a little. "I love you. We'll talk later."

..

**DUN DUN DUN!...Haha. Let me know what you guys think! Thanks so much for all the positive reviews!**


	17. Chapter 17

Serena plopped on her bed, holding the phone between her neck and shoulder while painting her nails. "He's being so distant. I've noticed it since G left but today he just went on a rant. I don't know what I did."

Blair yelled something at Dorota. "She didn't leave she was banished. But Nate hasn't talked to me about it. Maybe he said something to Chuck but Chuck would've told me. Maybe it's cause he practically found you about to bang that rando. That seems like a good reason if you ask me–That is not my color, Dorota! Serena, I have a crisis. Let me know how it goes with Nate."

Serena was relieved when she heard a knock on her door. "Come in!"

Nate walked in looking handsome as ever in dark jeans and a blue polo that made it impossible for Serena to look at his eyes without melting.

He sat on the edge of her bed. "I've been on Gossip Girl everyday for weeks. Checking where you are and who you're with." He looked ashamed.

Serena stood in front of him, she was not expecting that opening. "Why?"

He got up and looked at her. "I don't trust you."

"What?"

Nate was getting upset. "I spend so much time being paranoid it's pathetic. This is not me."

"Is this about that guy? Georgina _drugged_ me!"

"I know it's unfair. But I can't help it. If I hadn't come when I did... You were gonna go home with him!"

"I'm sorry Nate. I felt like I had no control of my actions. But that's not me. I would never cheat on you."

"Well you don't have a very good track record."

Serena was getting defensive. "Are you kidding me? You are such a hypocrite! You cheated on Blair! Or did you forget about that?"

"With you! That doesn't count."

"You're so ridiculous! How are we supposed to be in a relationship if you can't trust me?"

"We're not."

"What does that mean? Are you breaking up with me?"

Nate let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know."

Serena wanted to shake some sense into him. "You don't know? Wow. I guess I got my answer."

"Serena, I don't want to be on bad terms. I just need to figure some stuff out."

"Oh whatever Nate. What do you expect me to say?"

He looked at the floor. "This isn't what I wanted."

"Just leave."

"Serena, I'm not breaking up with you. I don't want to throw what we have away. I just need a break."

"Are you listening to yourself? You come in here with your holier than thou attitude and try to feed me the 'let's take a break' line. You have your head so far up your own ass I'd be surprised if you could even find the door!"

"I'm not trying to feed you anything. I'm trying to be honest. Serena I love you. I just don't think that's enough."

"If it was real it would be. It's enough for me."

"You're not even letting me explain myself. You're already convinced everything I say is bullshit."

"Leave!"

"I'm not leaving!"

"Fine." Serena pushed him aside and left.

...

Blair and Chuck had just started making out when Serena burst in. She saw Chuck on top of her and normally she would've ran the opposite direction but she was having a crisis.

Chuck and Blair both gave her a_ getthefuckout_ look but she ignored it and threw her on the bed to let them know she was staying.

"I hate Nate!"

Chuck sat next to Blair and they both looked up at Serena. Serena went on, "He just dumped me!"

"What?" Blair and Chuck were shocked.

Blair stroked Serena's hair but was too pissed to even be sad. "It was so stupid! He's like I need a break. I don't trust you. I need to figure stuff out. But I do love you. He's so full of shit!"

Chuck got his coat and headed for the door and Blair looked at him. "Where are you going?"

"To find Nathaniel. Serena has you and he has me. Isn't that how it works?"

"Excuse me. She's the victim here!" Blair yelled after him.

When she turned back to Serena she wasn't angry anymore. "He dumped me, Blair. Just dumped me. Like I was nothing."

Serena put her head on Blair's lap and cried.

"Dorota, a towel now!" Dorota grabbed a towel and Blair stuck it between Serena's face and her skirt. "Sorry. It's Ferragamo. But continue."

...

Nate was already at Chuck's place when Chuck got there.

"Nathaniel. I heard the news. Why'd you end it? You worshipped her. It's pathetic. I've been telling you for years."

"I didn't end things! I was just trying to tell her that I needed a break. You know, go to the Hamptons for a few days to clear my head. And she flipped out. I don't know what's going on."

Chuck handed him a glass of scotch and poured one for himself.

Nate took a sip and went on. "I was using Gossip Girl to stalk my girlfriend! How messed up is that? I'm just disgusted with myself. Honestly, this isn't me. Every time I saw her talking to a guy I wondered if they were flirting. It was bad. And I was avoiding being along with Serena so she didn't find out what a creep I was being."

Chuck looked at him and took a sip of his drink. "I know what you need."

"I don't want to go to a strip club, Chuck. I'm being serious here. I don't know what to do."

"I saw Serena at Blair's and she's pissed."

Nate let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm leaving tonight. Gonna stay with my grandfather. I'll see you in a couple of days.

...

**Sorry, had to stir things up a little! :P I'd really appreciate reviews on this chapter. :)**


	18. Chapter 18

Blair opened the curtains to let the sun in Serena's room. "It's 5 pm."

"I don't want to get up." She didn't want to do anything. Nate had stopped by a few times but she refused to see him or take any of his calls.

"Get up and shower. We have a double date. If Nate wants to be such an ass we're giving him a real reason to be jealous."

"Blair. I'm not in middle school."

"Oh, come on! You know you wanna make him mad. He totally deserves it. When he sees you with another guy he'll realize what an idiot he is and come crawling back to you. Besides it's an early dinner date. Not serious at all."

Serena followed Blair in to the restaurant where a couple of guys waited for them. She recognized them as Max and Jacob, both were on the Lacrosse team with Nate.

Blair knew that Jacob was good friends with Nate so she assigned him as Serena's date. No one could pass up a chance to wine and dine Serena van der Woodsen.

Serena was uncomfortable but loosened up after the death stares Blair was giving her. She found it much easier to have a conversation with guys than with girls.

"Serena isn't that bracelet bothering you? It's so chunky."

Serena shrugged. It wasn't really bothering her but she took it off and placed it on the table so that Blair would stop elbowing her from under the table.

Kati and Isabel, some of Blair's minions, sat a few tables over. They were shamelessly snapping pics and sending them to Gossip Girl.

...

Jacob waited for Serena after school the following Monday. "Serena! Hey. Um you left this behind the other day." He took her bracelet out of his pocket.

Oh, Blair was clever. She knew Serena would forget it. "Oh. Thanks Jake."

Jake was dressed in his lacrosse uniform. He didn't mind being late to practice if it meant talking to Serena. "Yeah, no problem. I had a lot of fun." There was a pause and he looked uncomfortable. "I didn't know you weren't with Nate anymore."

Serena felt a sting. "It's recent."

Serena saw Nate walking over to them out of the corner of her eye. She knew it was wrong but she playfully placed a hand on Jake's arm. "I had a lot of fun too. Maybe we should do it again sometime."

Jake was about to respond when he saw Nate. Guilt spread across his face when he saw the look Nate gave the both of them.

Nate completely ignored Jake and turned to Serena. "We need to talk."

Serena could he how pissed he was. She couldn't help but feel a small sense of victory. She was about to make up an excuse not to talk to him when Nate grabbed her arm and led her away, "Now."

Jake grabbed Serena's hand. "Hey man. I don't think she wants to talk to you."

They had spectators now and they all had their phones out. But Nate was too pissed to care. "Why don't you mind your own business? And if you don't get your hands off my girlfriend I'm gonna break your fucking face."

This was getting way out of hand. Serena broke free from both of them. "I'm not a toy for you to fight over! And I'm not your girlfriend. You broke up with me, remember?"

Nate pulled her to a corner so that they would have slightly more privacy. "I didn't break up with you! What the hell are you doing anyway? Going around dating my friends to piss me off? Was that the plan? Blair is so predictable."

"Don't drag Blair into this. I make my own decisions. You have no say whatsoever."

"Why are you acting like such a bitch?" He regretted saying it as soon as he saw the expression on her face.

"Don't call me a bitch."

"I did not call you a bitch. I would never say that. I said you were acting like one." He started to ramble. "As in what you did was bitchy. It's not you. It's Blair."

She rolled her eyes and turned to leave. "Don't come after me."

...

It had been a few of days since Serena's showdown with Nate and there were still Gossip Girl blasts coming.

Nate stood at the locker room after practice. He knew they were all talking about him. Especially since Serena was seen out with another one of his teammates. "Don't you guys have something better to do other than gossip like a bunch of girls?"

Nate hated being an asshole but he decided to take a page out of Blair's handbook. He walked over to Jake and Caleb, he made sure all eyes were on him. He put on his armband that said Captain. "You see this?" He gestured towards his band. "I wouldn't even bother coming to practice anymore. You two aren't setting a foot in the field for the last game." He knew it would kill them to not be able to play in their last high school game. "Being a benchwarmer isn't something that requires much effort."


	19. Chapter 19

Blair heard the elevator are faced the hallway. She wondered who it would be.

Nate didn't look very happy as he walked over to her.

"What are you doing here?"

"What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to ruin my relationship?"

Blair scoffed. "You did that all by yourself."

"You know, when I came back from the Hamptons I went to see Serena to beg her to take me back. And she wouldn't let me see her or answer any of my phone calls and then you advice her to start dating all my friends!"

Blair looked down and her voice got soft, which only happened on rare occasions.. "You were supposed to be jealous. And come crawling back to her."

Nate shook his head, he needed to let his anger out. "It did make me jealous but it pissed me off even more. It's exactly like the kind of shit you would pull. And frankly, I don't want to go _crawling back to her_ because that would be like going back to you."

Blair spoke bitterly. "Oh right. Being with me was the worst thing that ever happened to you. I forgot."

Nate shook his head. His voice was firm. "Not everything is about you. This is about Serena."

Blair didn't see Nate pissed off very often but she wasn't going to back down. She looked straight at him. "Of course! NOTHING is about me! It's always Serena. It will always be Serena."

Nate rubbed his temples to try to control his temper. He had known Blair forever and he was tired of her always playing the victim. "We've had this fight. I'm not having it again. Besides you didn't seem to be too upset when you fucked Chuck the same night we broke up." He saw the surprised expression in her face and added, "Yeah, he told me."

He knew exactly what to say to piss her off. But she knew him just as well as he knew her. "Don't be mad at me because Serena's off screwing the whole lacrosse team, you ass–"

"Blair!" Serena had just walked in. She could not believe Blair had just said that.

Blair looked at her from behind Nate and Nate stood in front of her, giving her a disgusted look.

"Nate I haven't –"

"Just save it."

"Blair doesn't know what she's talking about. I didn't do any –"

"It's not about Blair! Or what she says, I could care less what Blair says." That wasn't entirely true, but he was trying to make a point. "I'm just done."

"Nate...don't throw what we have away...Please..." Serena felt the tears in her eyes.

"Me? All I wanted was to get out of town by myself for two days! And then I would come back and not feel the need to question your every move and we'd be fine. But you didn't pick up my calls, you wouldn't even let me in your house! And then I go to school and all my teammates ask me if I've been on gossip girl. Do you have any idea what that felt like?"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to do. I just want to go back." She fought to keep the tears from falling.

He loved her so much. Part of him wanted to take her into his arms but another part of him told him he needed time to think. He felt his throat closing up. "I just...I need some time for myself."

She felt helpless. She looked down at her hands and nodded.

Blair tried to salvage her best friend's relationship. "Nate..."

"I just –I need space." Nate walked out of the Waldorf's penthouse and he was sure it was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

...

Serena wished she could blame Blair for everything falling apart but she had no one to blame but herself.

Jake came up to her at lunch one day. "I've called you a couple of times."

"I know." She wished she could blame him too.

"So how have –"

"I don't think Nate would want us talking." She hadn't said his name in days and she was surprised she didn't choke on it.

Jake scoffed. "Nate broke up with you. You don't owe him anything. He's an ass."

She gave him a dirty look. "Don't you ever insult him in front of me again."

"Okay, relax. I'm sorry."

"Just leave me alone."

"Serena I'm just trying to be friendly. I wanted to see if you would be up for hang—"

"I think her exact words were leave me alone. I doubt she would agree to go on a date." Serena turned around to see Chuck standing there.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Speaking of asses."

"I may be an ass but you're a social climber. New money isn't very appealing among socialites, right? I've heard your mom has quickly learned that lesson. And you're a douche bag. Which you may get away with if you were slightly better looking or charismatic but seeing as you lack both qualities you just come off as a pest. So scram." He turned his back on Jake and held him hand out to Serena.

Serena took his hand. "I was handling it. But thanks." It was so hard to be around Chuck because it emphasized the fact that Nate wasn't there. "What's up?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing."

Serena raised her eyebrow. "Really?"

"Of course." He pulled a small tiffany's box out of his pocket. "And to get your opinion on this graduation present for Blair." He gave her one of his famous smirks.

She couldn't help but give him a half smile. "That's more like it." She took the box and opened it to reveal a gorgeous simple chain with a heart pendant. The heart was filled with black and white diamonds. It was simple, exquisite, and beautiful. "It's amazing. Blair would love this." She handed him the box back.

"Good." There was a small pause. "How are you doing?"

She shrugged. "How is he?" She asked in a small voice.

It was rare when Chuck was so honest. "He's getting better. It's good for Nathaniel to be single for once. He hasn't been in years. But I can tell he misses you. You broke his heart."

She could feel the tears stinging her eyes and nodded and walked away before the tears started flowing.

...

**Hey guys! I tried to incorporate all your reviews! But I didn't want N/S to be back just yet so keep reading! And keep reviewing because reviews are pretty much where I get my inspiration from. Thanks! xoxo**


	20. Chapter 20

Nate walked into Blair's penthouse with a coffee and a croissant in hand. He had no idea Blair was still so hurt about what he did to her years ago.

"I got your favorite."

She looked up at him. "What do you want?"

He took the seat next to her and ran his hands through his hair. She was still shocked by how beautiful he was.

"I had no right to talk to you that way. I'm sorry."

She wasn't known to forgive people easily. She took the coffee from him. It was with 2 sugars, exactly the way she liked it. She missed Nate. She had loved him so much and even though she didn't love him the same way she used to she still loved him. They had been best friends for years.

He sighed. She was just as stubborn as she was 10 years ago. "You're not the worst thing that happened to me Blair, you're my best friend." She was silent and he continued. "Blair, I'm really trying here..."

She gave him a small smile. "I've missed having you as a friend. I lost my boyfriend and my best friend at the same time."

"I'm so sorry."

"I know." She stood up and looked at him.

He was amazed at how strong she was. He really admired her. He did something he hadn't done in a long long time, he took a step toward her and gave her a big brotherly hug then kissed the top of her head.

Chuck walked in the room and smiled at him. "Look who finally kissed and made up. We used to be the three musketeers, remember?"

...

Nate had a lot of newfound free time that he dedicated to exercise. It was good because he felt his body was getting even more toned but all the alone time really made him think a lot about everything.

He put on his suit and grabbed his graduation gown. He saw a small blue Tiffany's box on his dresser. Him and Chuck had gone graduation-gift shopping for Serena and Blair together.

_It was 2am when Nate walked into Serena's room. He was glad she was still awake. She had been too busy watching Glee to get much sleep. _

_Her face lit up when she saw him. "Are you drunk? It's Thursday night!" She giggled._

"_I'm fine." He had a couple of drinks with Chuck earlier but he wasn't even buzzed. _

_He gave her a deep kiss and she responded with a kiss so gentle and loving that it made his heart want to burst._

_Her hands trembled as she unbuttoned his shirt and he slowly slipped her shirt over her head. He kissed her neck until her breath got heavier and she slipped his pants off. _

_The anticipation was killing him and he flipped over and carefully pressed his body over hers. He pulled his face away to look at her. "God, you are so beautiful." She smiled and pulled his face down to hers._

_He pulled away and their eyes locked on each other and she gave him a small nod. He loved seeing the expression on her face when he entered her. It was as close as they could ever be. And her small gasp drove him crazy._

He snapped out of his daydream and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His bright blue gown stared back and him.

"Ready? Let's get going." Chuck walked in the room, holding his gown in his arms.

Nate nodded. "Can you believe we're getting diplomas?"

Chuck smirked. "I can't. I really can't. Especially since we were high for half of high school."

He slipped the box in his pocket. "Let's go before they change their minds."

...

Serena sat next to Blair and they held hands. They were both in their emerald green gowns. But Serena refused to wear her cap.

Blair leaned over to her best friend," Stupid Nelly Yuki. That should me be up there."

Serena giggled. "Being salutatorian is amazing! Besides, at least you have a life."

Blair shrugged. "And I'm hotter. She can go to Yale. Columbia is in the city, how can it get better than that?"

"Have you talked to Nate?"

"What? Um, no it's not a debate. I _am_ hotter." Blair replied quickly, without taking her eyes off the valedictorian.

Serena sighed. Obviously Blair was too busy criticizing Nelly's every word. But she clapped politely when the speech was over anyway.

...

Nate sat on Chuck's bed while he waited for him to get ready. There was a big party that night, just as there had been on every night after graduation.

"I don't picture myself being with Serena right now but I sure as hell don't see me with anyone else. I just need some time to figure myself out, you know?"

Chuck tied a scarf around his neck. He was hot as hell.

Nate yanked it off. "It's June. And you look ridiculous with that on, it's a pool party –we're going to be in a heated pool."

Chuck ignored him. "Why can't you go out and get laid like the rest of us? I know for a fact you need some sort of release and jacking off isn't going to cut it."

Nate laughed. "Let's go.

Serena was the first person he noticed sitting by the poolside. She was gorgeous in a see through short white dress that showed the outlines of her gold bikini underneath. Blair sat next to her and they giggled over something he couldn't hear.

He grabbed a drink and joined the circle of guys he recognized to talk about the latest Yankees game.

Serena saw Nate and gave him a small smile, then quickly looked away. He was shirtless and wore navy blue swimming shorts. His six-pack was even more visible than it was before and his biceps had gotten slightly bigger.

"Nate looks like he's been working out." She said quickly to Blair.

Blair glanced over. "Yeah, he has nothing better to do." She giggled suddenly and turned to see Chuck kissing her neck. She quickly got up and they both went inside the penthouse.

Serena got her legs out of the pool and stood by the railing. The pool was on the patio of the top floor of the building and it gave a gorgeous view of the city, she felt like she could reach the Empire State building if she reached her arm out.

She decided to go fix her hair in the bathroom and when she got to the bottom of the stairs she nearly bumped into Nate. "Hey," she said shyly.

He flashed her one of his brilliant smiles. "Hey." He felt his heart beat out of his chest.

She couldn't contain herself. She grabbed his hand and pulled him to the door closest to the bottom of the stairs. It was an office and as soon as he closed the door he put his hand firmly on the back of her head and pulled her in for a deep kiss.

He knew that they shouldn't be doing it but that made him want her even more. He had no control over himself as he kissed her hungrily. He tore her dress off of her and looked down at her body. "Serena...maybe we shouldn't..."

"Shhh..." she put a finger on his lips and reached behind to pull on the string around her neck. Her top came off and he felt his jaw drop like it was the first time he had ever seen boobs.

His voice was a small whisper. "Oh God. You are so beautiful." She pulled his shorts off and he leaned down to plant small kisses on her chest. He laid her down carefully on the desk and untied her bottoms. He carefully got on top of her and kissed her from her chest to her ear and softly whispered, "I love you."

Serena couldn't contain her smile as she slipped her clothes back on. Even though they weren't really together, Nate was still hers and she completely belonged to him. It was nice to be reassured.

He pulled on his shorts and placed all the things they knocked over back on the desk. She turned back to look at him and he felt like he should say something but had no idea what to say. "Thanks." He realized how stupid it was as soon as he said it.

She looked amused. She walked over to him and placed a hand on his chest. She traced the outlines of his chest and of his stomach. "Thank you, Archibald."

He grabbed her hand and gave her palm a kiss. "You walk out first."

She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek then headed out the door.

...

**Let me know what you guys think! (I added 2 sex scenes. That review made me laugh!) Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'll add the next chapter soon and I'd like to hear feedback! xoxo**


	21. Chapter 21

Nate stood in Chuck's hotel room; they were playing pool. "Speaking of pool...I have a confession but you can't tell Blair." He paused to give Chuck a serious look. "I slept with Serena at that pool party."

"What?" Chuck was shocked, how had he missed it? "And here I thought your relationship couldn't get any more fucked. And it did –literally."

"I was going to –" He lost his train of though as the memories of that night came rushing back.

Chuck couldn't hide his amusement. "Have you talked to her since?"

"No. I have no idea what to say. The sex was unbelievable. But it's not a good idea. We're supposed to be taking time apart. Anyway I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Leaving? Where?"

"France. To Nice. With my grandfather and Tripp will be there, all my cousins are going. I'll be gone for 6 weeks."

"Serena will be at Brown by then."

"I know. I'm going to say bye tonight."

...

Serena heard a light knock and saw Nate standing in her doorway.

He gave her a smile and walked silently over to her. "Open it. It's a graduation present." He held out a small Tiffany's box.

She looked at him. "What are you doing here?"

He looked down. "I bought this for you a while ago. I want you to have it."

She slowly took the box and unwrapped it. It was a thin white gold chain with a diamond-encrusted heart-shaped outline pendant. "It's beautiful."

"I'm glad you think so." He took the necklace to put it on her and his hands trembled.

She reached up to touch the heart. "Thank you."

"I leave for Nice tomorrow. For a month and a half, with the Vanderbilts. " He waited for her reaction.

She looked down at her lap. "I'll be gone by then."

"I wanted to wish you luck even though you don't need it. You're going to be amazing at Brown. I'm gonna miss seeing you everyday."

She hugged him and snuggled against his chest. "Me too."

"Serena. I love you. And that's not going to change just because we're so far apart."

She nodded. "I'm going to miss you so much, Natie. You're my best friend."

He smiled at her. "You're everything to me."

She held him tightly. Wishing that if she held him tight enough that he would be with her forever. She sniffled and wiped her tears away. "I'll see you for Christmas break."

"Yeah. Christmas will be here in no time."

They talked and laughed for a couple of hours until he had to go pack. "I have to get going but I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Nate. Stay. Please." She couldn't picture not seeing him for so long. She stood in front of him and looked up at his eyes pleadingly.

He felt his heart break. "Serena..."

She looked down. It was really over.

...

Blair walked in to Serena's room. "It's 5 pm! What are you still doing in bed? It's been over a week."

This is the first time Blair had seen her best friend. She had called Eric to check up on her but he would either say she was asleep or crying.

"Blair, I'm not in the mood. I'm just really tired."

"Serena if you don't get up in 5 seconds, so help me God..." She ripped the covers off her. "Get up."

Serena groaned but rolled over and got up as she was told. "What?"

"You need to shower. Like now." She shoved Serena into the bathroom door.

Serena came out of the shower feeling slightly better but she still felt like she had a hole in her chest. "What are you doing here, Blair? And why are you packing my suitcase?"

"We're having a spa weekend."

"I'm going to tell Eric I'm being kidnapped." She rolled out of bed.

...

Serena had no idea what she would do without Blair, they spent so much time together. And when Blair was with Chuck she would sometimes drag Serena along but Chuck reminded her too much of the fact that Nate was gone.

She liked going to the Met and spending hours walking around and around. She wondered what the people in the painting were like. What were they thinking? What did they feel?

It was such a beautiful day but she hid in the darkness of the mummy exhibit. She saw Dan Humphrey admiring one of her favorite pieces. She tried to avoid him seeing her but he looked right at her and walked over.

"Hey Serena. I haven't seen you in over a month. I heard about Nate." Dan said sympathetically.

She winced at the sound of his name. "I'm okay." She quickly changed the subject, "So NYU huh?"

"Yup. And you're off to Brown soon. Providence is a lot different than the Upper East Side."

"Yeah. But I need that. Hey I'm about to grab so lunch, want to join me?"

Dan smiled at her. "Sure."

...

Serena hadn't returned Blair' s or Dan's calls in almost two weeks but she decided to call Dan jut in case Blair was busy. She went over to his loft and they watched movies and he taught her how to cook. Serena was glad he hadn't tried to make a move on her, he was actually a very good friend.

"That was actually hilarious." Serena had made him sit through Mean Girls. He looked over at Serena but she was fast asleep.

He picked her up gently and carried her to his room and fell asleep next to her.

Serena woke up with her arm around Dan Humphrey. She quickly moved it and got up to find her shoes.

"You should stay for breakfast. My dad makes amazing waffles."

Serena gave him a half smile. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were awake. But sure."

Serena couldn't help but feel jealous that Dan always had his dad and sister to eat breakfast and joke around with. She had Eric and her mom had been around a lot lately but she was practically raised by maids.

Dan walked Serena downstairs and hailed her a cab. "Thanks, Dan. Breakfast was great."

Dan smiled then leaned over and gave her a light kiss on the lips.

She pulled away and quickly got in the cab.

...

Serena had ignored Dan's first couple of calls but afterwards invited him over. She missed her friend.

It was his turn to pick a movie and she sat patiently as she looked through netflix. "What about a really bad sci-fi movie?"

When the movie was over he reached over and grabbed her hand.

She moved it away. "Dan."

He looked hurt and got up.

"Dan, you're amazing. But when Nate left he...it feels like there's a hole in my chest." Her eyes got watery.

Dan hugged her. "I know. I'm so sorry. You can tell me whatever's on your mind, you know." He wiped her tears and kissed her forehead.

Once the tears came she couldn't stop them. She took a deep breath and told Dan her deepest secret. One that Blair and Nate didn't know.

She saw his eyes get watery and he wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest until she fell asleep.

...

Blair dragged Serena shopping. "I haven't seen you in weeks!"

Serena looked down. "I've been hanging out with Dan a lot. It's fun."

She had seen the Gossip Girl blasts. "Don't tell me you're going back to that?"

"No. I just enjoy having him as a friend, that's all. Besides I'm going to be gone in a month, remember?"

"Yes I remember. And I'd rather not."

"I'll be back every break." She held out a black dress to Blair. "What about this?"

Dan held Serena tight. "I can't believe you're leaving in the morning."

"I know. But I'll be back for Thanksgiving." Serena hugged Dan back. She had already shed all the tears she had when she said bye to Blair earlier that day. Afterwards, Dan took her bowling and talked her into wearing used shoes.

"It was a fun summer." Dan pulled away to look at her.

"Yeah. And now I'm off to Brown. It's crazy. So much has changed in these past months. What if my roommate is psycho?"

Dan smiled. "That's why I'm commuting." He laughed while he hailed a cab. "You'll be fine."

"Dan. Thanks for everything. I really needed a friend like you." She gave his hand a squeeze.

Dan gave her a big hug. "Bye."

...

Chuck saw the picture of Dan and Serena together couple of minutes before Nate called him. He missed his best friend and he walked in to Blair's penthouse.

"I just got off the phone with Nate. He's really upset that Dan and Serena are together."

"They're not. I haven't heard from him in a month. Shouldn't he be back by now? School starts in a week."

Chuck looked down. "He's not coming back."

"What do you mean he's not coming back?"

Chuck shrugged. "He just needs his space. You know he's always talked about sailing. He deferred for Columbia for a semester."

Blair balled up her hands. How was she supposed to tell Serena? "When he gets back I'm going to kill him."

...

**I know there's a lot going on in this chapter! But I really wanted to set the pace for what I want to happen next. Let me know what you guys think! xoxo**


	22. Chapter 22

Blair kept busy with school and now that Nate and Serena were gone she spent all of her extra time with Chuck. She loved him but spending that much time together was not healthy for their relationship. When Serena called to ask her to ship her some stuff to Brown she practically ran out of Chuck's place.

Blair looked around for the dresses Serena wanted and put them in a box. She also wanted a necklace that her grandmother had given her. She looked in Serena's jewelry box but it wasn't there. She opened her bedside drawer. Pictures of her and Nate. Condoms. Classy S. And a hospital bracelet? She checked the date, it was dated a few of months ago. That was the week after Eric's birthday, when Serena had gone MIA.

She speed-dialed Chuck. "Chuck, was Serena in the hospital this summer? How could I not know?"

"We would've known about that. She wasn't."

"I'm holding her hospital bracelet. Can you check this out for me? I'll be right over."

Chuck sighed. "Fine. Give me the date and the patient number."

Chuck's PI showed up a couple of hours later.

"That was fast. I'm listening."

He held a file and handed it to him. "It's all in here."

Blair snatched the file. "I want the cliff notes version."

...

Serena went to visit Blair's penthouse. It was a couple of days before she would start her second semester but she had a surprise for her.

Blair gave her a tight hug. "I thought you'd be back at Brown by now."

Serena smiled. "I transferred."

"What? I thought you liked it there."

"I did but I was extremely homesick. I'm going to be attending a school called Columbia University, ever heard of it?"

Blair was shocked. "What? So you're back?"

"Yeah, my stuff is on its way from Providence."

"Wait, move in here. We can be roommates. My mother's never home, not that she would mind. But it would be great! And you wouldn't live at home so you would still feel independent."

"Wow, really? Um, I'll run it by my mom. But living with you would be way amazing." She pulled her best friend in for a hug.

"Welcome home, S."

...

Serena kept busy moving in to Blair's penthouse. Dorota had already furnished and decorated her room, under Blair's close supervision.

"I'm going to go have lunch with Chuck but I'll be back in time for my mother's dinner."

Blair got to Chuck's apartment and she was shocked by who she saw there.

Nate's hair had gotten slightly blonder from all the sun, and his skin was perfectly tanned. His blue eyes landed on Blair's face and he gave her a slight smile. He was perfect looking and she hated him for it.

"Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in."

"Hello to you too Blair." He went over and hugged her, ignoring her scowl.

"Okay, enough." She pushed him away and smoothed out her skirt. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to see, Chuck. He's showering." There was a long silence and Nate had no idea what to say. "So classes start tomorrow. I'll be seeing you around campus."

Blair looked at him. "What the hell happened? You've disappeared for the last 5 months. You deferred from Columbia for a semester to do what? Where have you been!"

He looked down. "You know I always wanted to sail around the world. I finally did it, there was nothing holding me back. But I'm back now, okay?" He looked down and swallowed hard. "Is Serena back at Brown?"

Blair gave him a dirty look. "You've lost the right to ask me anything about Serena. And you don't get to waltz in here and act like we're best friends. She was heart broken."

"Yeah right. She had Dan Humphrey." His tone was bitter.

"You're such an ass. Dan and Serena are just friends. And yes, thank God for Dan because she was devastated."

"Is she back in Brown?"

"She transferred. Looks like we'll all be going to Columbia." Chuck came out of the shower. "Chuck, call me when you're done with this." She gave Nate another dirty look and left.

...

Nate sat on Chuck's couch watching a basketball game. "I don't even know how to face Serena."

Chuck kept his eyes on the screen. "Just go talk to her."

He couldn't even focus on the game. "What am I supposed to tell her? I'm sorry I'm such a coward. It was just getting too real for me. That's a stupid thing to say. I just want her back."

"Did you sleep with anyone while you were gone?"

Nate shook his head. "No. That has nothing to do with anything. Are you even listening?"

"Nathaniel, you poor bastard. Look I'm not good at this relationship advice thing. Why don't you talk to Blair?"

"Blair hates me."

Chuck paused the game. "Yeah she does. She talks about it all the time."

"You are literally the most useless person I've ever met."

"I'm being honest. She says the reason you left Serena is cause you found out she had a bun in the oven."

Nate gave him a shocked look and Chuck realized his best friend didn't know about any of that. "Serena isn't pregnant. What are you talking about?"

Chuck tried to quickly recover. "I don't know." He unpaused the game. "I have no idea what I'm saying."

Nate snatched the remote and turned the tv off. "Chuck, what the hell are you talking about?"

Chuck gave his bestfriend a smirk. "It was a joke, Nathaniel. Relax and enjoy the game."

...

**Hey guys! Let me know what you think about this chapter! I'm really excited for the next couple of chapters because I finally know exactly what direction I want to take this story. Keep reviewing! They make my day. xoxo**


	23. Chapter 23

Serena was glad that Columbia was big enough so that by the end of the week, she had not run into Nate. She had been avoiding him at all costs. She didn't know what would happen when she saw him again.

She had such a stressful week, between filling out a bunch of forms and making sure her Brown credits got transferred over. She was exhausted. All she wanted to do was to go home and sleep but she had promised Blair she would meet up with her at Chuck's place and go have a late lunch.

Chuck's place was empty so she decided to sit and wait for Blair to get there. Right when she sat on the couch she got an email saying that had been some problem with transferring her credits from Brown. Just what she needed. She just wanted to cry. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and when she opened them she saw Nate standing in front of her, with a concerned look on his face.

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She buried her face in her hands and cried. Once a few tears fell she couldn't stop the rest from coming. And she felt Nate sit beside her, wrap her in his arms, and pull her onto his lap.

He brushed a strand of hair out of her face, his hand was trembling slightly. "I love you. I was just so scared. I was so used to being with you that I didn't know who I was without you."

Serena got up. "I was scared too. I depended on you so much. I was so completely lost in our world and I didn't know how that would translate into the real world. I was terrified. But I didn't throw everything away, you did."

He looked hurt. "Baby, please..."

"Don't call me that." She wanted him to be hurting as much as she was but at the same time she hated the idea of him being hurt. She had to get out of there. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

"Serena. Stay. Please." He looked at her pleadingly.

"I asked you that same thing 5 months ago." She walked towards the door and left without another word.

...

Blair played with Serena's hair as she cried in her lap. Blair already knew about Serena's incident but she was glad her best friend finally confided in her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how. I just wanted to curl up into a little ball and disappear. That's why I didn't call you back for those couple of weeks."

"Oh, sweetie. What did Nate say?" She saw the look on Serena's face. "He doesn't know!"

"And he's not going to. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Just go to sleep." She held her best friend tight.

...

Blair was with Chuck when Nate walked into his hotel room. "Hello."

He her a half smile. "Hey Blair." He was silent for a while. "Serena hasn't returned any of my calls."

She bit her tongue but she couldn't hold it in anymore. "You know what Nate? You left her! It's over!"

Nate and Chuck were both caught off-guard. "Look Blair. This is between Serena and me. Just mind your own business."

"You don't know anything." She looked him in the eye.

Nate looked confused.

Blair couldn't hold it in anymore. She felt like she was going to explode. "She had a miscarriage!"

He felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest. He couldn't breathe. He stepped back and stumbled down on the couch. "No. No. That's impossible" He was surprised he hadn't choked on his words.

"You were gone. When she needed you the most, you weren't there." Blair's eyes filled with tears. And when she saw him bury his face in his hands and cry, her heart hurt too.

Nate couldn't remember the last time he really cried. But he couldn't stop the tears. He was sadder than he ever felt. He was sad that Serena had to go through that. He was sad that he wasn't there for her. They were going to have a baby. And it was gone.

...

Serena hadn't been home the last 5 times Nate had visited her at Blair's. He sat on a bench in front of the building where Serena had her class and ran after her. "Serena! We need to talk."

She looked confused. "I don't have time."

"You don't have class for another hour. Please."

She nodded and he looked around for some privacy. He led them to a bench hidden by trees. He knew it would be better to talk to her in complete privacy but he couldn't hold it in anymore. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked at him questioningly.

"That you were pregnant. That you lost the baby."

She winced. "I didn't know until after you left. And then I lost it 2 weeks later. How was I supposed to tell you?" She was tired of crying. Her eyes felt dry.

"I am so sorry." He leaned over to hug her but she leaned away. "Please. How can I make it better?"

"You can't. No one can make it better. It was for the best, anyway."

He looked shocked. "Don't say that. We were going to have a baby. A baby –" He started choking on his tears until he couldn't hold them back anymore.

She had only seen Nate cry once before and it hurt her more than she could have ever imagined. She wrapped her arms around him and they cried together.

He regained his composure. "I'm so sorry. If I would've know I –"

She looked down. "It was a long time ago."

He put his hand over hers. "I want to be with you."

She looked down at her lap. "I don't. We can't do this to each other anymore. It's too much. It hurts too much."


	24. Chapter 24

Serena she sat in the back of a big International Politics class. She was always distracted by her professor. She hadn't been that sexually attracted to a guy since Nate. Professor Justin Brazer was a perfect cross between Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt.

She knocked on his office after school. "Professor Brazer?"

He opened the door almost immediately with his suitcase in one hand. "Hi Serena. Oh, I forgot about our appointment. Can we talk over coffee?"

She smiled and nodded.

They walked into a cafe and sat down. "I just wanted to talk to you about the possibility of me transferring into your class."

An intellectual discussion led to a conversation about growing up of the UES and family. She hadn't realized how funny he was and before she knew it they had been talk for almost two hours. "Wow it's almost 5. Sorry I didn't mean to take up so much of your time."

He smiled. "That's fine. I'm just going home to grade papers anyway." They both stood up.

"Thanks for meeting with me, professor." She gave him a smile and he returned it.

"Of course miss van der Woodsen. Oh and welcome to my class."

Serena woke up early that morning and picked up a coffee for herself and a cup for her new favorite professor. He got her mind off Nate, it was nice to not be thinking about him all day.

She knocked on his door and walked in when she heard him say to come in. "Hi professor. I got you a cup of coffee. I wasn't sure how you liked it so I assumed one sugar and no cream."

He had a sip and smiled. "Perfect. You're an early riser." He stood directly in front of her instead of sitting back on his chair.

If she just took a couple of steps forward their faces would be touching. She smiled at him. "Grading papers, huh? The life of a professor is rough. Do you ever have time for fun?"

"I do. Believe it or not." He went on jokingly about building robots in his spare time.

"Wow. Don't have too much fun there. Sounds like a blast." She put a hand on his arm and he grabbed her around the waist, pulled her to him and gave her a kiss. She hadn't kissed anyone except Nate in over a year. She put her coffee cup down and grabbed his face her hands, letting him slip his tongue into her mouth. Then, as suddenly as it happened he let go of her and pulled away.

"I'm sorry. You're obviously extremely attractive but you're my student. I don't do this. Ever." He looked conflicted.

She was disappointed. "Right. I should go. I'm sorry." She turned to go and then turned back around. "How about this? We have dinner, as two attractive people. And if it doesn't seem fun then we can forget all about it. Very discreetly."

He smiled. "Dinner sounds great."

...

Serena walked in to her International Politics class on Monday. Her date had gone extremely well. He was intelligent, funny, and was extremely confident. She was in an extremely good mood when she noticed Nate sitting a few rows in front of her. Oh crap.

She looked down when class was over, hoping Nate wouldn't notice her. And he didn't. As she got up to leave she heard her professors voice, "Miss van der Woodsen. Can I see you in my office in 5 minutes?" She nodded at him.

She went over and he signed her schedule so she would be officially enrolled in his class. He walked over to her and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I hope you enjoyed dinner as much as I did."

"I did. It was great." She leaned in and gave him a light kiss on his cheek, dangerously close to his lips. "I have to get to class."

"Okay." He pulled her in for a real kiss. "I'll call you later."

…

She had been on a few dates with her professor. He was an amazing kisser and the fact that it was forbidden to date him appealed to her even more. She had been avoiding Nate for a while and ignoring his calls. She hadn't even told Blair about her new interest.

Justin made dinner for her and she went over his townhouse. She was greeted at the door with a glass of wine and a kiss. "It smells great."

He smiled at her. "I'm glad you think so. It's almost ready. I'll give you a quick tour."

He led her around the house until they got to his bedroom then she sat on his bed. "Comfy."

After dinner they ended up in his bedroom again except this time he kissed her everywhere. The idea of having sex with anyone other than Nate felt wrong. He slipped his hand under her shirt and she sat up suddenly. She couldn't get Nate out of her head. "I have to go."

"What? Really?" He looked disappointed.

She nodded, suddenly feeling tipsy from all the wine. She hailed a cab and quickly jumped in.


	25. Chapter 25

It was almost midnight when she walked into Nate's room. He was watching tv in his boxers and she stood at the doorway before saying anything. Maybe she wouldn't have come. She started turning away when he saw her.

"Serena? I didn't expect to see you here. Are you okay?" He stood up and walked over to her.

She shook her head. She just wanted to hug him and be together but so much had happened between them. She wanted to get her anger out. To tell him everything she'd wanted to say since he left. "No Nate! I'm not okay. Why did you leave? Why wasn't I enough to make you stay? I don't know what I did to make you so repulsed that you had to go away for so long."

"Serena. Stop. Look at me." He took her hands in his and looked her in the eye. "You are the most amazing person I have ever met. And the best thing that's ever happened to me. I was scared. I was scared because I was 17 and I found the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. And you were going to Brown and I didn't know how to deal with you leaving me so I left so I wouldn't have to. I'm a coward. But I love you. I'm ready to be with you."

She took her hands back. "I've been waiting so long to hear you say that. But so much had happened. How are we supposed to go back?" She looked down.

"We just do. We have to try." He was confused. "Why did you come here? To tell me that I have no chance?"

She looked at him. "I'm dating our gov professor. Yeah that's right. And I like him. But I couldn't be with him. I couldn't stand him touching me because he's not you." He took a step closer to her and she took a step back.

He looked hurt. "That would have killed me." He took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. "I don't want you to be with anyone else. Ever."

She stepped out of his hands. "I should go."

He looked down and then back at her. Suddenly he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a deep kiss. She pushed him away and he pulled her back and kissed her again. He felt her body give in as she kissed him back and he picked her up and lay her on his bed. She couldn't stay away from him any longer. They were meant to be together. He slip his hands under her shirt and she pulled her shirt over her head.

He tore the rest of her clothes off and she slipped his boxers off. He positioned himself on top of her and brushed her hair from her face. He suddenly felt so vulnerable. "You're the most important person in my life. I love you so much."

She looked at him back. "I love you too." She let out a small gasp when he entered her and he felt her body tremble with satisfaction. Suddenly it was like he had never left at all. She still completely belonged to him and he to her.

Later, he pulled the sheets over both of there bodies and held her tightly against his chest. He whispered into her ear. "I'm here, Serena. I want to be with you. I'm not going anywhere." She closed her eyes and slept more comfortably than she had in months.

She woke up to Nate kissing her neck and when he saw her open his eyes he smiled. She rolled over to him. She still made his heart stop. He leaned in and kissed her, her mouth was so familiar to his tongue. And he rolled over on top of her and she giggled.

...

He felt like he was on a high. He was back with Serena. This time for good. He went to give her a surprise visit before his class. Her eyes widened when she saw him. She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I missed you."

"Not as much as I missed you." He gave her a kiss.

"Barf." Blair stood at the doorway. "Car's here. We do have class, you know. Coming?"

Nate nodded and pointed at his backpack. Serena intertwined her fingers with his and they walked out.

Nate and Serena sat next to each other in class. "You were on a date with him? He looks like a tool."

She smiled. Nate was cute when he was a little jealous. "He's a nice guy."

They waited until the room was empty before getting up and the professor walked over to them. He smiled at Nate and turned to Serena. In his best professional tone he asked to see her in his office. Nate gave him a dirty look and Serena nodded and shot Nate a warning look, asking him to behave.

"Well I guess I'll see you later, babe." He tried not to emphasize the last word too much. But he was happy to see his professor's reaction when he said it.

Serena followed Justin to his office and as soon as she closed the door he turned to her. "I thought we were having a good time."

She looked down. "We were." She didn't really know how to phrase it. "You're amazing you really are…but Nate and I have been together for a long time and I realized that I want to be with him."

He looked at her. "Well I can't say I'm not disappointed. But it's probably for the best if you date a guy your age. I promise not to make things awkward." He smiled.

She smiled back at him. "Thank you, really. I'll see you on Monday."

…

She sat in her room reading a book when she noticed Nate standing in her doorway. "Hey! How long have you been standing there?"

He smiled at her. "Only a few seconds. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to have you."

She gave him a hug. "Aw, Natie. I'm only with you for your money. Duh. And because of this." She smacked his butt lightly.

"Are you done reading? Because the only reason I came here was to get some."

She giggled and gave him a playful shove. "You're an ass."


	26. Chapter 26

Chuck and Blair were having and argument when Nate walked in. He looked at them, "Am I interrupting something?"

"Chuck refuses to go to the gala! Tell him he's being an idiot."

Chuck shook his head. "I have a meeting that day. Tell her she's being unreasonable."

Nate shrugged. "What if she promises to let you wear a scarf with your suit?"

Blair gave him a dirty look. "I will promise no such thing. You're not helping! Where is S?"

Nate smiled. "She's out buying a dress for the gala. Which I am taking her to. Like a good boyfriend."

Chuck gave him a dirty look. "Traitor."

Nate laughed. "You guys just shot me the same look. You're meant to be. Chuck, you should just reschedule."

He pulled out his phone. "Fine. But I don't appreciate you taking her side."

Nate gave him an innocent look. "Hey Blair. Are you busy? I wanted to ask your opinion on something."

…

Nate got to Serena's room looking perfect in a Brooks Brothers suit. They were going to meet up with their parents at the Met's annual gala. He rolled his eyes when he saw she has just come out of the shower.

She held her towel around her body and started blow-drying her hair. "I saw that!"

He smiled and took of his jacket and placed it neatly on the chair then sat on her bed. "Hurrryyy..." he said in a fake whiny voice.

Serena finished blow-drying her hair and walked over to him and leaned in to kiss him. He kissed her back then pulled away when she started unbuttoning his shirt, "I can't wrinkle this. My mother would kill me. Let me do it."

She rolled her eyes. "You're such a princess. No, you ruined the mood." She walked away and purposely let her towel fall so he could see what he was missing.

He lay back on the bed with a groan. "You're the worst." His mom was already calling him to be there but he waited patiently for Serena to get ready. When he looked up 20 minutes later Serena looked gorgeous in her long silver dress.

"Wow. Baby. You're gorgeous." He grabbed her hand and led her out of the door.

They arrived and posed for a few seconds so that cameras could get a shot of them (they promised their mothers) and walked in.

Anne made a beeline towards them. "Nate, there you are. Hello Serena." She grabbed Nate's arm and led him away. "There are some people I want you to meet."

Serena nodded at him to let him know it was okay and went to find her mother and Eric. She gave Eric a tight hug and her mother a kiss then went to grab a glass of champagne.

"Serena, may I have a word with you?" She turned around to see Nate's mom and followed her towards the bathroom, where there was more privacy. "I want to talk to you about Nate. I can see it's getting serious with you two."

She smiled but it quickly disappeared when she saw how displeased his mother was. She was confused; she thought Nate's mom really liked her.

"His grandfather wants him to be the next head of the Vanderbilt estate but all Nate wants to do is run around with you."

She felt like she was being ambushed. "I'm not exactly sure what you're trying to say."

"I'm saying I think you should end things. It's for the best."

"I'm sorry but that's not happening. Ever."

"Do you really think that you are what's best for Nate? Your family's reputation has been tarnished. Your drug addiction is no secret. How many times have you been hospitalized because of it? It's just not good for Nate or for our family."

She was shocked. She felt like she had just been punched in the chest. Lily came from behind and stood in front of Serena. "Excuse me. How dare you talk to my daughter that way?"

"Oh, please Lily. If it were the other way around –"

People were starting to stare at the scene they were causing. "Oh stop it Anne. I am nothing like you. If you ever so much as give my daughter a dirty look ever again so help me God I will –"

"Don't threaten me, Lily. The only reason your daughter is such a whore is because she learned it from you."

"Mom!" It was Nate. "What the hell did you just say?"

"Nate stay out of this. I'm doing this for you."

"No. I will not stay out of this. Don't you ever talk about my girlfriend or her family like that again." He grabbed Serena's hand. "We're leaving." He walked away and turned back to his mother, he didn't bother to keep his voice down. "Don't make me choose, mom. It's not going to be you."

He opened the car door and let Serena in. "Baby, I am so sorry."

She nodded. "I need to get out of this dress. I can't breathe."

She got out of the car as soon as it got to her building. Nate was close behind her. "I need to be alone. Just go. Please."

He looked helpless but he nodded and walked back towards the car.

She walked into her room and tore her dress off and slipped on jeans and a shirt. She grabbed her bag and headed out again. She knocked on the familiar doors lightly. She really needed a friend and had nowhere else to go.


	27. Chapter 27

Dan opened the door. Serena was the last person he'd expected to see. She had seen her a couple of times but hadn't talked to her since she moved back to the city.

She gave him a hug as soon as he opened the door and he wrapped his arms around her tightly. He led her to his room and hugged her while she cried. She had never felt more humiliated in her whole life.

She stopped crying and looked up at Dan and he leaned in and kissed her. He couldn't control himself anymore. She pulled away and he looked hurt but she tried to make an excuse for herself, "I'm really tired."

He nodded and unmade his bed and they lay in it and he wrapped himself around her. He was warm, just like Nate was and she fell asleep almost instantly.

She woke up to Dan's arms still around her and she moved a little to let him know she was awake. He sat up and smiled down at her. "I really missed you."

She sat up. "Me too Dan. You're such a good friend." He leaned in to kiss her and she let him for a few seconds before she got up. "I can't do this to Nate."

Dan shook his head. "What are you doing here then? Why aren't you in bed with him?"

She looked down. He deserved the truth. "I needed a friend. But I'm in love with him. It's always going to be him. I'm sorry but there's not even a hint of doubt in my mind."

He was furious. "We spend all summer together and you move back to the city and completely ignore me. You don't return my calls. I was there for you when Nate wasn't and you use me and dispose of me like I'm nothing to you." She opened her mouth to say something but he cut her off. "You're the most selfish person I have ever met. I think you should go."

"Dan –" She didn't even know what to say. He was absolutely right.

"Just go. Please."

...

She got to her room feeling exhausted and saw Nate standing in the middle of the room.

She sat on her bed and he tossed his phone to her. She picked it up and saw it was a Gossip Girl blast.

It was a picture of her going to Dan's building at night and another one of her leaving this morning, wearing the same outfit. Followed by:

_Hello UES,_

_Looks like lonely boy isn't so lonely anymore. A certain blonde paid him a visit last night. Poor N._

_Xoxo, Gossip Girl_

"And just in case I didn't read the blast she text me both of those pictures."

Serena was silent. She didn't even know what to say.

"Why Serena? Why did you go to him? The one person –" He tried to compose himself. "I embarrassed my mother in front of everyone for you. I was here for you. And you ask me to leave so you could go to _him_." He said that last word with a tone of disgust.

She was scrambling for something to say but nothing was coming out of her mouth.

He paced back and forth angrily. "Answer me!" He realized he was yelling but he didn't care if he woke up Blair or not.

She spoke so quietly it was almost a whisper. "I just needed a friend."

He scoffed. "You're so full of shit."

She walked over to him. "Nate, please calm down. I'm sorry. I love you."

He looked at her. "No. You don't get to say that and expect everything is going to be better."

"I don't know what else to say. I'm telling you how I feel."

His eyes were suddenly so vulnerable. "Did you do anything with him?"

She looked down. She needed to be completely honest with him. "We kissed. But it meant nothing."

He sat on her bed and ran his hands through his hair. "You're killing me, Serena. You really are."

Serena went over to him. "Nate I am so sorry."

"You keep saying that but it means nothing." He turned to her. "I'm doing the best I can -I'm putting everything I have into this relationship. I just don't know if I wanna keep doing it if it's going to keep ending up like this."

She took his face in her hands and pressed her lips against his.

He pulled back almost instantly. "You taste differently." He said it with such a pained look on his face.

She held on to his arm to keep him from leaving. "Please don't go." But he didn't even hear her. He firmly took her hands off of him and left.


	28. Chapter 28

"How does she expect me to trust her? I'm trying really hard to get past this but I can't."

Chuck looked at him. "Nathaniel, you love Serena. There's nothing she can ever do that will change that. So find a way to get over it."

"I don't know how."

He shrugged. "Maybe you should pay Humphrey a visit."

...

Nate knocked on the door. He really wanted to punch Dan in the face as soon as he opened the door but he refrained himself.

"Nate. Uh, what are you doing here?"

"I think we both know what I'm doing here." He thought about what Chuck would say. "If you ever come near my girlfriend again I will end you. You have no idea who you're messing with."

He turned to leave but turned back again. "Serena and I have been through a lot. You don't know anything about me."

"Really? Because that whole ending me speech was exactly what I expected you to say."

He couldn't help but smile. "I thought about what Chuck would say. I'm not that big of an ass, usually. Honestly I don't even know why I came here. Just wanted to check out the competition I guess."

Dan looked at him. "Well I'm flattered you would even think of me as competition. Do you know what Serena told me when I kissed her? That she was in love with you and that she had no doubt in her mind about it. None. It's always going to be you. Trust me, she's crazy about you. You have nothing to worry about."

He looked at Dan. "It's real with her." Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. "Thanks, Dan."

...

He walked in to Serena's room the next day and she looked at him and he smiled at her. "Hey."

"Hi. I'm glad to see you." She was cautious, she didn't know what to expect."

He hugged her and kissed her head. "We're gonna be okay."

She held him tightly. "I love you so much."

"I know you do. I love you too."

She gave him a deep kiss. "Wanna grab some lunch?"

He looked at her. "I'm actually on my way to have lunch, with Dan." He finished awkwardly.

"What? Are you serious?" She laughed. "Wait what?"

"He's actually a good friend. I've been deprived for too long. All I have is Chuck."

She smiled. "Dan is a genuinely nice guy. I approve of that bromance. But I think Chuck will be devastated."

…

Serena sat across from Dan. "I'm really sorry for everything Dan. You didn't deserve it. You're an amazing friend."

Dan shrugged. "I kind of knew not to expect anything. I'm happy for you and Nate, really. He's a nice guy."

"Thanks. I know. I'm extremely lucky."

Nate got to the table. "Sorry I'm late." He gave Serena a hug and gave Dan a fist bump.

Dan leaned back on his seat. "Don't worry about it. Serena was just telling me about Columbia."

...

Serena had barely seen Nate in weeks because of both of their finals and when she did see him he was weird. She felt like he was hiding something but it didn't worry her too much. It was the exact same behavior she saw when he threw her a surprise birthday party. But he avoided her for a week because he was afraid he would ruin the surprise.

Nate walked into her room and smiled at her. "I've missed you."

"Me too! You're avoiding me. What's up?"

He smiled. "Nothing. I have a surprise for you."

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise."

She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Tell me."

"I'll show you tomorrow."

She kissed the base of his neck. "How…about…a…hint?" She said between kisses.

He closed his eyes. "As good as that feels, I really don't want to ruin it. Can you please wait a day?"

She kept kissing his neck. "Ok."

"I can't do this right now I have class in 30 minutes."

She led him to her bed. "I only need 5."

He laughed. "That's awfully cocky of you."

She unbuttoned his jeans. "Are you doubting my skills? Because from what I can see you're already excited."

He smiled. "Never."

"That was seven minutes," he said as he got dressed again.

She let out a sarcastic laugh and tossed a pillow at him. "Oh I forgot to tell you that my mom wants us over for dinner tonight. Can you make it?"

He grabbed his backpack. "Yeah. I'll see you tonight." He gave her a kiss. "See you later."

"Okay."

He really didn't want to leave. "Serena, my body is still tingling. I blame you if I fail my exam."

"It was worth it. Now go! I don't want you to be late."

"Okay, I'm going. Bye." He gave her another quick kiss and ran out of the door.

...

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for all of your reviews. I really appreciate them. I had so much fun writing this story and I think the next chapter will be the last. Unfortunately, it's finals week so you guys might have to wait a few days. Thanks for reading! xoxo**


	29. Final Chapter

**Hey guys! Sorry for the wait but I had finals/ wasn't sure how to end it. But here it goes. Hope you guys like it!**

...

Blair and Chuck sat across the table from Serena and Nate. They were discussing their summer plans and couldn't agree on a place to go.

Chuck looked at them. "I agree with Blair."

Blair smiled and put her hand on his lap. "Thank you, Chuck." She looked at Serena and Nate menacingly.

Nate frowned. "I don't want to go to Paris…again! Chuck, what happened to bros before…kidding."

Serena gave him a fake dirty look. "What about Bali? We could meditate all day, it'll be relaxing."

They went back and forth. Nate looked at his watch. He wanted to show Serena his surprise before the sun went down.

He spoke over them. "Guys! Our biggest argument is deciding where to vacation this summer…I'd say life is pretty good."

Serena smiled. "He's right. The important thing is that we're together. We'll have fun no matter what."

Blair nodded. "Fine. We each pick a place and we go to all of them for a week. Then come back and relax in the Hamptons like we always do. Deal?"

They all agreed. Chuck looked around. "Who gets to pick first?"

They all started arguing again. Nate looked at his watch desperately. "Guys! There's only one way to resolve this…Rock, Paper, Scissors."

They all laughed. And they all held out their hands. Blair complained but went along anyway. A smile spread across her face when everyone else had rock and she has paper. "Well well…"

Nate cut her off. "Okay. Fine Paris first. Then Amsterdam for Chuck. Then Monaco for me and then Bali for Serena. Then back home and to the Hamptons. Are you okay with going last babe?"

Serena nodded. "Yeah sounds great."

They all smiled. "Alright well if you will excuse us, Serena I have something I want to show you. We'll see you guys later."

…

He led her to a gorgeous old building that was a 5-minute walk from Columbia. It was a beautiful apartment. It was roomy and had a big window that took up the whole wall. She looked at the view of the city. "This is amazing."

He smiled at her and walked over to put his arm around her. "I'm glad you think so because I bought it."

She looked at him. "What? That's amazing! No wonder you've been so weird."

"Serena. I have an important question to ask you."

He smiled at her and got down on one knee. He couldn't help but laugh when he saw the look on her face. "Sorry my shoe's untied."

She smacked his shoulder. "Nate! You're such an idiot! You scared the shit out of me. I thought I was going to pass out. Get up."

He laughed and got up. "I'm sorry it was too tempting. You should have seen your face. But I really do want to ask you something." He looked around and took her hand. "I bought this place for us, baby. I want you to move in with me. This can be our home." She didn't say anything and he felt like he had to keep talking. "I mean I know it's a big step but we…"

She kissed him to shut him up and pulled away quickly "Yes! Of course I will."

He laughed and picked her up and spun her around. She wrapped her arms around him, "I get to pick the wall colors, right?"

He smiled. "Sure."

"I'm thinking each wall a different shade of pink."

"Uhh…"

She giggled. "Kidding. Now what do you say we christen this place?" She slid his jacket off.

He looked at her with awe. "I love you." He ran a finger through her hair and slowly took off her jacket and then the rest of her clothes. Once they were both naked he made a comfy bed with their clothing and carefully laid her on top of it.

He rocked on top of her until he felt her whole body tense up and her moan with pleasure. The way her body moved made him finish instantly and he rolled off of her and they lay next to each other trying to regain their breath.

He held her to him. "Can you believe we get to do this forever?"

She laughed. "I can't wait. Although my boobs won't be as perky."

He turned to his side to face her. "Well I've seen your mom. I'd say you have a pretty bright future ahead of you."

He hit his chest playfully. "You're disgusting."

"I'm disgusting? Because I remember you saying some pretty dirty things to me just a few minutes ago."

She felt herself blush. "Shut up. Can we just lie here for a little bit longer?"

He laughed at pulled her over to him so her head lay on his chest. "As long as you want. I love you Serena. I always will."

She gave his chest a light kiss. "I love you too Natie."

He closed his eyes. "I wish we could stay here forever. Just the two of us." He let out a small yawn.

She let her eyes close too. His chest moved soothingly with every breath he took. She let her eyes close too. "Maybe we can. Just me and you."

...

**I'm so sad this story is over. I really enjoyed writing this story and reading all of your reviews! I'm looking forward to writing some more. Thanks for reading! xoxo**


End file.
